Only The Lonely
by gottaluvmerder
Summary: One night two lonely people met, can they come together to not let the lonliness overtake their lives?
1. They Met

_This is the first story I ever wrote. Please leave your comments. I love to hear them!_

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**Only The Lonely**

Meredith had met him a week earlier. She'd never forget it. She wasn't looking for love or even friendship. Just something to help her avoid what she was going through. Something to help her avoid the beckoning of her friends to go out and move on and something to help her live even if just for a moment. It had been an amazing night.

Much to the happiness of her friends, she'd gone to the bar. Determined to have just a few tequila shots and make them happy, she had left her house. Her house was large; well her mother's house was large. No, it was definitely her house now. At least that's what the papers said that she had signed over to her earlier that year. She locked the door and ran down to her friend's car.

"Hey Izz. Thanks for picking me up" Meredith looked genuinely happy tonight.

"No problem. We just have to pick up Alex and then we'll head to Joe's, ok?" Izzie pulled out of the driveway. "Yeah, no problem. How's Alex been?" Meredith said. Izzie and Meredith had been friends since the beginning of Med School. She was the only person that knew Meredith's secrets.

"Good, glad to have a week off." Izzie smiled. The ride was fairly quiet. They picked up Alex and went to Joe's. Joe's was the local bar, conveniently not far from the hospital where they worked.

"Tequila, Mer? I'm buying the first round!" Alex said as he took of his jacket and walked towards the bartender. Meredith just nodded and smiled. _'Might as well have some fun'_.

A couple shots in Meredith and Izzie were laughing it up. It had been a while since Izzie had seen Meredith smile, let alone laugh a lot. Alex was trying to coax Izzie into playing darts when Meredith excused herself and went to the bar.

"Hey Joe!" She yelled. Throughout the night it had gotten a bit busier. She couldn't remember when she had had so much fun. Well, she could, she just didn't want to remember. Avoid at all costs those thoughts that led to bigger, harder memories that she didn't want to remember.

"What's up?" the bartender yelled back.

"Can I get a couple more?" She smiled nicely, batted her eyelashes and tried to be as sweet as possible, while putting up three fingers. Joe walked over and put three shot glasses on the bar in front of her and filled them with golden liquid.

"Thanks Joe!"

She sat on an empty stool and lined them up. She took the first shot. It didn't burn to bad; she was far passed that point. She looked around. Alex and Izzie had moved to a booth and looked to be in deep in conversation. Alex and Izzie had 'been together' for a while. They would never admit to actually being together though. They would always say it was for fun, but their closest friends new otherwise. As she looked at them, it went from what looked like simple conversation to a moment of lust and desire. 'I definitely am taking a cab home tonight' She giggled as she turned to face the bar and her second shot.

"Bad day?" She looked to her right and smiled. He had dark hair, blue eyes and a very appealing smile.

"Maybe." She looked him up and down. He was definitely worth looking at. She took her final shot and turned back to him smiling. She was definitely going to have fun tonight!

****

He turned to the bar and signaled to Joe for a drink. He sat down on the stool beside her. "Get her another of what she's having too Joe."

"No problem." Joe said looking slowly between the two. He handed them their drinks and laughed as he walked to the other end of the bar.

"So not a bad day then?" He asked

"Maybe" Meredith smirked.

"Hmm…" It was his turn to look her up and down. He had seen her walk into the bar earlier. She had been quiet and captivating. He watched as she became a little more animated as the night wore on.

"You?" Meredith broke him out of his gaze.

"Definitely, not now." Truthfully his day had been horrible. He had been traveling all day and was welcoming the time to unwind.

"Meredith," She said as she reached her hand out.

"Derek" He shook her hand, relishing in the softness of the touch.

She usually wasn't so forwarded. There was something about him that made her want to know him. There was something that made her want to say hello, want to introduce herself and something that made her want to want him. She was desperately wishing it was the tequila, but something made her seem so unsure of that.

They talked for the night. She giggled and rambled. He laughed and complimented. Occasionally, he'd move a little closer. He tried to close the gap between them. She didn't know why, but not once did she move away.

"Meredith, Who's the hottie?" Izzie walked up to the bar to pick up some drinks.

"Izzie, this is Derek. Don't get any ideas, Alex would kill you." Meredith laughed. "Derek, this is my friend Izzie."

"Nice to meet you." He said.

"C'mon Mer," Izzie laughed, "I'm allowed to look" She obviously had too much to drink. She winked at Derek, who laughed, grabbed her drinks before heading back to Alex.

She looked at Meredith and giggled lightly, "can you find a ride home?"

"Yeah I'll figure it out." Meredith laughed at her friend. She turned back towards Derek who was now standing right in front of her. He took her hand in his. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it wasn't. "Want to get out of here? Maybe go get some food?" he talked softly. She took the last shot that was in front of her. "Definitely."

****

Derek walked her up to her front door. She unlocked her door and turned to face him. "Thanks" she said gently.

He looked down at her hand in his, and brought his other hand up to gently move a piece of hair off of her face. "It definitely wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." She continued. He didn't say anything. She looked at him and suddenly felt extremely nervous. "Not that I thought I'd have a bad time with you. It's just Izzie dragged me out and I knew …you know…and then you sat beside me and we started talking. But I thought I'd be home hours ago. Seriously though I did have a good time."

"Cute" he said, "The rambling is cute" He moved his face closer to hers, noses almost touching.

"Really, cause you know I hate it. When I ramble I mean. I just can't..." His lips stopped her words. Any thoughts left in her mind were gone as she let him deepen the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck trying to continue the kiss. Her lips were soft against his and he gently spread hers apart with his tongue. She gently pulled away.

"I should go, you know..." She pointed at the door not looking away from his eyes, trying to find a reason to make him stay.

"Inside." He finished.

"Yeah" she mumbled before his lips came crashing down on hers. She let out a small moan when she felt his tongue again.

He held her close as if it was all there was in him. There was no doubt about it he definitely wanted her. He bent his head down and started nipping at her neck. There was something about it that made her nervous and excited all at the same time. A feeling that tingled her fingertips and melted her insides. She pulled away and opened her door.

"Goodnight Derek" She said before entered the house.

Derek shook his head and started to walk down the walkway towards his car. _'Damn'_ he thought.

"Derek," he suddenly heard behind him. He turned around to see her standing on the step, "we didn't have any food. Want to come in for a snack?" As she said it, she could hear the nervousness and hoped that he couldn't.

It was definitely the booze talking. She had not been this forward in a long time. Something about the dark hair and the intensity of his blue eyes made her want him to stay. And those lips, what girl could forget those lips.

He looked back and smiled. He slowly walked back to her door where she was standing. He put his hands on her face and gently kissed her. "Absolutely, how about dessert?" He whispered as he picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him deeply. He walked into the house, trying to miss any steps or trip on anything. She kissed him up and down his neck. He kicked the door shut behind him. "Need food." She whispered and unwrapped her legs from around his waist. "Follow me." She walked towards the kitchen and he followed suit.

She could feel him behind her and before she could grab any food he felt him move her hair to one side of her neck. His arms snaked around her waist and his lips moved to her neck "Is it okay if we eat in a little bit," he whispered. His lips moved from her neck to her shoulders as he moved the strap on her tank top to the side a bit. Something incomprehensible came from her lips. It was that night she would never forget. A memory that would last forever.


	2. They Felt

**Chapter 2: They Felt**

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It was that feeling. That feeling you get that makes your stomach turn into knots. That feeling that burns the back of your eyes, makes your chest hurt and makes you weak in the knees. It's that common feeling that everybody seems to get yet no one really talks about. It's that feeling that gets pushed behind you because everything else you have to do, has to be done so it doesn't matter how long this feeling has been inside you or how long you've pushed it away. It's there. It's just always there.

Her subconscious motto was to always avoid. Even when she didn't know what she was doing it, she avoided. She avoided pain and heartache. Lately, she seemed to be avoiding her own happiness even more then everything else. So on this typical rainy November day, she did what she knew best. She pushed the feeling to the side and moved forward. After eating some cold leftovers for breakfast, she sighed and went out into the wet cold rain ready to start her day. She avoided.

Her ride into work wasn't very eventful. She randomly searched through her stereo presets, determining that current music just plain out sucked. After a few moments of frustration she just turned it off and tried to drive silently to work. She pulled her car into the parking lot and sighed. 'Another day' she thought. Sighing, she got out of her truck and slowly walked into the hospital. The double doors opened automatically as she walked in. She stood for a second, took a deep breath and walked to the elevators. She listened to the hustle and bustle of the people around her, waiting impatiently.

The ding of the elevator woke her from her reverie. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and took a step forward. She stood straight and turned quickly to face the elevator doors. She went to push the button for the floor she needed. The button was already lit up.

"Hello." She heard from behind her. She froze. That voice. It was the voice she couldn't get out of her mind. The one she had heard throughout her week off. The one that was there, standing behind her. Surprisingly, he didn't scare her; it was like she knew he was going to be there. Instantly he was up behind her.

His voice was quiet. If there had been anyone else in the elevator, they wouldn't have heard him. To her though, his voice was loud. It rang in her ears. He breathed in her smell. Praying this wasn't a dream. He had spent the week trying to prep his new house. He spent the week determining if what he was doing was right. Some of his family agreed with him. Some others didn't. But he had done what he felt he needed to do. He certainly never expected to see her on his fourth day of work. He never expected to see her standing in front of him on the elevator. When he left the morning after, when he had said goodbye, he silently hoped it wouldn't be forever. But she hadn't called him. With what he had going on, he didn't know if he should be grateful or not.

He never touched her, never brushed his hand against her. He just looked at her, took her in as if it were their last time meeting. It was as if they were stuck in a trance if only for a moment. She opened her mouth to say something just as the elevator dinged. _'Should have taken the stairs.'_ She thought. She turned and looked at him gently. Smiling, they stepped off the elevators. She walked towards the locker rooms and he walked towards his office.

She slowed and just before she entered the locker room, she took a deep breath. The feeling sitting in the bottom of her stomach, burning the back of her eyes, making her chest hurt and her legs weak was strong. She avoided it for so long, moved forward and never stopped. She avoided for so long that she was torn. Now that feeling had overtaken her. _'Did that just happen'_ she thought. It took all her strength to move forward, not once stopping to realize that the feeling inside her was telling her she was lonely.


	3. They Met Again

**Chapter 3: They Met...Again**

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That day had been to slow for Meredith's liking. She had been writing numerous post-op notes all morning. Currently she was sitting by the nurse's station listening to the nurse's gossip. She normally laughed it up and tried not to get into it too much, but today was different. The buzz around the station was the new surgeon that had just started. She kept her head down and kept. All of a sudden, it was only quiet. No mutterings, no giggling, no sounds. "Can I have the chart for room 3114, please?" Derek took the chart from the nurse and opened it up. He tried to write some notes in it, but kept looking towards Meredith. After finishing his notes, he handed it back to the nurse and smiled, "thanks."

"No problem Dr. Sheppard." The nurse said.

'_Derek Sheppard,'_ she kept looking down at her chart, tried to make it look like she was reading something.

"Dr. Sheppard," Derek turned around to face Dr. Webber, "Have you met Dr. Grey?"

"No, I don't think I have." Derek smiled. _'Meredith Grey'_ he looked towards her sitting behind the nurse's station.

"Well then," Dr. Webber turned to face Meredith who was quietly trying to hide behind the chart for room 3241, "Dr. Grey?"

'_Here we go'_, Meredith closed the chart and stood up. "Chief," she said as she placed the chart back in the slot it belonged. She walked out in front of the station trying hard to look directly at Derek. He smiled noticing the effect he had on her.

"Dr. Grey, I'd like you to meet our new Head of Neurosurgery, Dr. Derek Sheppard." Meredith glanced from the chief to Derek and stuck out her hand, "Nice to meet you."

He smiled and shook her hand. It was at that moment he remembered the feeling that he felt upon her doorstep, the feeling he felt in her kitchen and the feeling that he felt when he awoke the next morning and she was sleeping at his side. It took one handshake and he felt it. In that moment he new that moving to Seattle was the right move.

She smiled in return, "Nice to meet you to Dr. Grey". The way he said her name made her insides melt all over again.

****

After introductions were finished and some incessant rambling on Meredith's behalf, she finally made it to the cafeteria at lunch. She walked to the same table that Izzie was sitting at. "Hey Izz," she said as she sat down.

"Hey Mer, what's up?" Izzie said as she sat down.

"Nothing. Just been a long day."

"Any good cases today?" Izzie glanced up from her salad when Meredith didn't respond.

"Hmm…"

"Meredith?"

"Oh…yeah?" Meredith murmured not moving her eyes from where he was sitting. Izzie followed her eyes, "Oh my god!" she said, "Isn't that Mcdreamy from the bar?"

"Yeah, it is." Meredith glanced away quickly once noticing that she'd been caught. Izzie just laughed. "I can't believe he's here. I thought I'd never see him again." Meredith said quietly.

"Just your luck Mer," Izzie's pager began beeping, "Sorry I gotta run. Call me later okay?"

"Yeah…sure."

Meredith opened her salad and started to eat it. What was she supposed to do? He had asked her to call him and she didn't. Yes, she felt her reasons were right. She even felt they were within reason, but now she couldn't avoid him. She couldn't help but think of the events of the morning after.

Meredith awoke from a chill that was running down her spine. But she didn't feel cold. She felt warm and comfortable. A far cry from how she normally awoke. With her eyes still closed she turned onto her side and gently opened her eyes.

'_Oh my god', she could feel her cheeks becoming red, thinking of the night before._

"_Good morning," He said with a smile._

"_Hi." It was all she could muster. His hand was slowly running up and down her arm. She realized at that moment that the chill she felt was definitely not from the air in the house._

"_You okay?" He smiled softly and looked into her eyes._

"_Uh, yeah. I think so" She could feel the blush deepen, and cast her eyes downward. She started to sit up a bit, pulling the sheet with her trying to somewhat keep herself covered. Her hand went to her head automatically. She remembered it all. The tequila. The bar. The return home. The entire night. She giggled at the thought of him carrying her up the stairs trying to find the right bedroom. "Oh my god."_

"_What?" he laughed, sensing her nervousness. He rested himself on one elbow and gently helped her cover herself, not that he really wanted to. He wanted to live completely in that moment. Remember what she looked like. He took her all in with his eyes. She was gorgeous. Her honey-blond hair gently cascaded down her back. Her body, while slightly uncertain of her surroundings, was amazingly stunning. _

"_I…uh…oh god." This wasn't something she had done in a long time. She was well past her college years when she had gone from guy to guy night-to-night until…_

"_Hey," He moved a strand of hair that seemed to be the only thing that kept her attention. She finally turned and looked at him._

"_Meredith," He sat up, placed a hand on her arm "are you ok?"_

"_Yeah…I think so."_

"_Good." She lied back and finally relaxed. She smiled up at him. It had been a while since anyone had asked her if she was ok. Well within this context anyways. _

_Derek could feel the desire burning within him again as she smiled. He had no idea where this had come from, no idea that he could feel this way. He was pretty sure that she felt the same way as well. Slowly, his hand grabbed one of hers and he could feel the sharp feeling inside he felt earlier. It was the feeling that urged him to stay in that bed, not walk away and listen to the sounds of her breathing._

_He leaned down and rested his head against the pillow beside hers. His hand gently rose to her cheek where he moved his thumb delicately over her cheekbone. Her eyes searched his for meaning and found the longing she felt within. He could tell she was thinking and didn't want to interrupt her. He just wanted to relish in the feeling that they both seemed to be enjoying. In the middle of his own thoughts, he felt her lips meet his. Just as she was about to pull away, he brought her back._

'_Oh, god' was all she could think. For what some would consider the first time in a long time, Meredith let herself succumb to what she was feeling. She felt the way his hands touched and caressed her. The way his lips made her skin feel like she was on fire. For a split second in time Meredith Grey was happy._


	4. They Operated

**Chapter 4: They Operated**

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"Dr. Grey?" Meredith shook her head slightly.

"Yeah Chief,"

"You have a craniotomy later today, right?" He said while looking at his notes.

"Yes I do, Mr. Peterson in 2351. He's in pre-op right now."

"Very good. Dr. Sheppard will be scrubbing in to assist."

"I'm sorry Dr. Webber?" This shocked her. She knew that she'd have to scrub in with him eventually she just didn't think it would be so soon.

"I want Dr. Sheppard to be familiar with all doctors in the O.R."

"Yeah, sure Chief."

"Thanks Dr. Grey." He walked away to go find other doctors.

Meredith tried not to look to stunned. She stood from her table and went to the washroom. She rinsed her face with cold water and took a deep breath. '_Concentrate Mer._' She walked out of the bathroom see the patient one final time in pre-op.

"Hello Mr. Paterson, how are you feeling?" Mr. Paterson was an older gentleman. His wife sat next to him. "All good considering Dr. Grey."

"Alright," she said looking over his chart and recent lab results. "Looks like everything is all set. I'm going to let the OR know we are on our way down ok?" Mr. Paterson nodded. "Do you have any other questions?"

"No"

"Okay, I'll see you once we get ready. Mrs. Paterson, I'll see you after we're done." They both nodded. Meredith turned to the intern, "please page Dr. Sheppard and let him know we will be starting."

"No need to Dr. Grey." It was that voice again. She stopped and slowly turned around. "I see you're just on time."

"Mr. And Mrs. Patterson, this is Dr. Sheppard, Head of Neurosurgery, he'll be joining me in the OR today." She watched as he shook both their hands and smiled professionally. "Shall we go?" Derek looked towards Meredith.

"We'll see you afterwards." Meredith led Derek away from the patients towards the OR.

"Meredith," Derek whispered, Meredith tried to ignore him.

"Meredith," he tried again but before he could continue Meredith stopped him.

"Let's just go scrub in ok?" She didn't want to get into any details. She needed to keep her concentration and get through the surgery. She didn't want him to distract her.

"I just wanted to say…" he tried again.

"Please, Dr. Sheppard." She almost felt as though she was begging.

He could see the desperation in her eyes. "Ok." He conceded, "lets go scrub in shall we?"

The two walked silently towards the scrub room. Quietly, they scrubbed in and walked into the OR. "Any preference to music Dr. Sheppard?" Meredith asked. The operating room instantly calmed her down. Any anxiety she had once felt seemed to disappear. This is where she new she could be herself. It was where she felt the most ease. Her shoulders relaxed and she moved swiftly around the room.

"I actually prefer no music, if that's ok?" He noticed her change. He watched her move gently and talk quietly to scrub nurse standing next to her.

"No that's actually much better. Some surgeons like music in the background. I don't."

"Why is that?" he said as a nurse tied on the surgical gown he was wearing.

"I prefer to talk to the nurses and doctors around me. It's how I learn about the people in this room." He could see her smile underneath her mask. There was quiet in the operating room for a bit. "You assisting or just observing today Dr. Sheppard?"

"We'll see Dr. Grey." He swiftly moved to her side.

Soon enough the surgery started and amicable conversation, with a few words of medical jargon, could be heard from the gallery above.

****

"Izzie, will you leave me alone?" Meredith moved from where she was sitting in the kitchen to the fridge to get some milk.

"C'mon, you're not going to tell me anything?" Izzie had been at Meredith's house for an hour and still couldn't get any details on Mcdreamy.

"No Izzie I'm not giving you the dirty details what happened that night. I haven't told you yet, why should I now?" Meredith felt like she was about to snap. She poured herself a bowl of cereal and covered it in milk.

"Mer, I'm just curious."

"I'm not telling you," she spun the spoon around in her cereal. She didn't want to give in. She also knew that Izzie wouldn't give in until she told her too. "If you must now, he stayed, he left the next morning and told me to call him."

"And you didn't call him?"

Meredith groaned, "no." '_Here we go_,' she thought.

"Why not?"

"Izzie..." Meredith rolled her eyes before looking at her friend. "I just don't know"

"Mer, how long has it been?" Izzie knew this was going to be a problem. She had known Meredith since her first year of Medical School. She was one of the few people that Meredith could count on and trust. Especially since she had no siblings and her mother had just passed away.

"I know, I know. Move on Mer, you've been doing so good Mer," Meredith said in a mocking tone while rolling her eyes

"Look, Mer. I'm not going to lie. You do need to move on and you have been doing so good. If you're not ready, you're not ready," Izzie sat on the stool beside Meredith where Meredith was holding her head in her hands, "but you also need to realize that chances come up that you can't let pass you buy. You've been single for how long now? Why not take a chance? Why can't you take a chance?"

"I don't know Izzie." Meredith looked up with tears in her eyes. "I just don't know."

"Look let's go watch that movie you rented. We'll try and forget about it for right now." Izzie pulled her friend up from the stool. For years she had tried to rid the pain from Meredith. It had taken a long time. Some days, like today, she felt as if they were moving backwards instead of forwards.

"Yeah, that works."


	5. They Stared

**Chapter 5: The Stared**

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The next morning when Meredith pulled into the hospital parking lot she noticed Derek getting out of his car. She paused for a moment and just watched him get out of car. She watched as he took his briefcase out of his trunk and paused to check his cell phone. He looked up briefly and caught her eye. Meredith tried to look away, but his eyes caught hers. It was as if time stood still. Like for that solitary moment, there were no other problems in either person's life. He smiled lightly. She looked away and felt her cheeks blush. She unlocked her car door and go out.

When she locked her doors and had everything in her hands, she turned to walk towards the main entrance. He was still watching her. Derek watched the way her hair blew around in the wind. The way her sweater hugged her curves. The way her body moved with such gentleness. He couldn't look away. She blushed again. He noticed everything about her. Her nervousness attracted him. Her looks attracted him. Her personality attracted him. Everything about her made him unable to look away.

She made her way across the parking lot. "Derek."

"Meredith." They didn't need to say anything else. Both turned and walked towards the main entrance. They walked close together, but not to close. He let her enter the building first.

They walked swiftly towards the elevator. "Dr. Grey, Dr. Sheppard" Meredith turned around to see the chief standing behind them.

"Morning chief"

"Meredith, I need to know if you're helping with the party this year?"

"Of course, chief. What day is it?"

"Next Wednesday."

"No problem. I'll re-arrange my schedule." She said as she looked through her blackberry.

Derek watched as the two interacted. Normally the atmosphere was very formal. This seemed to be a more of a light-hearted conversation. The two talked as though they had known each other for many years. The amicable conversation showed her cheerful self. The type of person he could definitely be-friend.

"Thanks. I'll see you both later."

The elevator doors opened and Meredith and Derek got on. "Party?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," she pushed the button for the 4th floor, "there is a Christmas Party for the children down in pediatrics every year. I help."

"Hmm…"

"Yeah, Santa comes, gifts are given. Some treats are eaten. Crafts are made. We decorate rooms for some children. You know, the basics."

"So you're Santa's elf, huh?" He laughed at her expression.

"I guess," she shrugged. She loved the Christmas Party. Christmas hadn't been such a bid deal growing up. It wasn't anymore either. The Children's Christmas Party seemed to lighten her mood for the holidays and helped her get through them a little bit. The smiles and laughter that you generally didn't hear in that area of the hospital seemed to cheer everyone up a little bit. She even liked watching the parents smile even if just for that day.


	6. They Teased

**Chapter 6: They Teased**

* * *

By time dinnertime arrived that day, Meredith had successfully completed 2 minor surgeries and 1 consult in the pit. She was on her way to the cafeteria to get some dinner. She walked to the elevator on the 4th floor and pressed the down button to go to the cafeteria. She bobbed her head to a beat of a song that was stuck in her head and scrolled through her text messages in her phone. She held some files of test results under her arm that she was going to look over while eating. When the elevator door opened she got on quickly and pressed the appropriate button.

She nodded happily to her companions in the elevator and waited patiently for it to descend two floors. She wrote a quick note in her blackberry to remind her to do something after dinner. The elevator arrived on the 3rd floor and most of the people in the elevator got off. "On call tonight Dr. Grey." Meredith jumped. She thought everyone had gotten off the elevator. As she jumped the files flew to the ground and dispersed over the floor. When she realized that it was Alex standing behind her she almost doubled over from laughing so hard.

"You know you could have just said hello."

"Where would the fun be in that?" He laughed at her appearance and knelt down to help her pick up the files, "So you on call?"

"Yeah…you going to visit Izzie?"

"Yeah…I'll see you later ok?" Alex said as the elevator doors opened and the stood up, folders in Meredith's hand.

"See you later Alex!"

Meredith got off the elevator. She paused to rearrange her folders again under her arm and walked towards the cafeteria. She quickly got a salad and a drink and went to sit at a table not to far from the door. She ate her salad. Before she could open up a folder someone sat down beside her. "Dr. Grey," Derek said.

"Dr. Sheppard," She said, "What can I do for you?"

He smirked, "you're on call tonight, right?" He stood beside her.

"Yes, why?"

"No reason." He moved from his standing position and sat in the seat directly beside her.

"Okay…" She looked away from him and down to her lab results.

"So I was thinking," he paused to chew his dinner; "maybe…mmm…maybe I could help you out at that Christmas party."

"That shouldn't be a problem. Just talk to the chief," she murmured. He noticed a puzzled look on her face.

"Well you know I could help give out presents," he started,

"Yeah that works,"

"I could help decorate," he continued. His one eyebrow rose when he noticed she wasn't really paying attention.

"That'd be great." Her face grew more confused. She moved onto the next set of lab results.

"I could rent an elf costume for you to wear,"

"Yup"

"You know, one that has a green dress and pointy shoes with bells on them. But you'd have to promise to wear it."

"Yeah, for sure" He smiled when she said this. She definitely wasn't listening.

"Meredith,"

"Yeah," He leaned a little closer to her.

"You have to say you promise."

"Yeah sure, I promise,"

"Great I'll call and put in on hold right now." He pulled out his blackberry and start scrolling through the phone book and stood to walk away, laughing slightly. His movement seemed to wake her from her thoughts.

"Wait, what?" He smiled in her direction and started to walk. She was easy to tease.

"Let's see…"

"Derek, wait, I…uh…look, I'm all for helping…" She immediately followed him with her folders in hand.

"Oh no, no, no," he shook his head, trying to not smile so much, "you said you'd wear it." She was so confused. What had she promised him? "You can't let those kids down now. Let me just send this memo to the chief. He'll be so pleased." He was walking to fast and she almost had to run to catch up to him.

"Wait, Der…ur Dr. Sheppard," she nodded to a fellow staff member as they passed by. She followed him up the stairs trying to grab his phone from him. He took the stairs two at a time until he reached the 3rd floor. Before he could open the door, she rushed around him and stood in front of him.

"Dr. Sheppard," she tried to catch her breath, "as I was saying. I'm all for helping but we don't dress up."

"But Meredith, it would make the children so happy." He taunted her. She knew he was taunting her.

"Really Dr. Sheppard. I'm sorry that I wasn't paying attention. But I really don't think its necessary to dress up. I mean they already bring in Santa to…"

"Perfect you'll match Santa…" he reached around her and opened the door. As his hand brushed past her hip to grab hold of the door handle, she gasped. "Better yet, why don't you dress up as Mrs. Clause? The little ones would really like that." He tried to open the door, but Meredith put a stop to that.

"Derek!" He looked down at her when she said that. He hadn't realized that they were so close. She was still standing in front of the door and his hand was still on the door handle. She took in a small breath when she realized this as well then quickly tried to regain her composure as he said yes very softly.

"While I appreciate your generosity and need to help," she gulped, "my job is to help decorate and give out gifts. I'm really no elf in comparison to those that actually do more." She wanted to run away and get herself away from the position she was in. For some reason though, she was very relaxed.

"You think so," he said softly. His face was mere inches from hers. He could smell the intoxicating smell from her hair. She could see clearly into his blue eyes.

"I know so," she replied just as softly. His face may have tilted just a little in her direction but she didn't notice. She was lost in him. She couldn't see anything else. She couldn't hear anything else. Slowly, their eyes closed and all she could hear was his voice softly say her name

"Meredith," he whispered. She looked anxious to him, like she didn't know what she was doing. Her cheeks became flush. There was the nervousness again. It always crept up when she wanted to bury it deep within her. She was about to respond when she heard someone coming down the stairs. The spell was broken. She stood up straighter and looked at him as the person descended the stairs to where they were standing.

"Dr. Sheppard," Izzie smiled as she rounded the corner to continue down the stairs.

"Dr. Stevens," Derek nodded.

Meredith looked like a child caught in a candy store. Of all people that could be coming down the stairs, it had to be Izzie. She blushed slightly. "Mer, you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine." She shook her head gently and turned to follow her friend down the stairs. "I'll talk to you later Dr. Sheppard."

"Sure. Dr. Grey?"

She turned around quickly as Izzie paused on the stairs waiting for her. "Yes."

"I'll be sure to arrange the costume for you." He smiled.

"Only if you get one for yourself Dr. Sheppard!" She laughed and turned to follow Izzie down the stairs.

Derek watched after her as she laughed along with Izzie. The flow of her hair as she skipped down the stairs and her giggle hit him like a brick. In that particular moment in front of the door, he was powerless. He couldn't control his movements. His heart had seemed to speed up. He couldn't remember the last time a woman made him feel somewhat happy. He was learning different things about her everyday. It was all very confusing to him. His brain was telling him he needed more time. His heart was telling him to move forward and never look back.

He opened the door to the surgical floor and walked to the nurse's station before going to his office. Wednesday was certainly going to be interesting.


	7. They Helped

**Chapter 7: They Helped**

* * *

The next few days passed quickly. Meredith and Derek only ran into each other when they were going into the operating room or talking about a patient. When Wednesday came around, Meredith awoke rather early. She walked down stairs to get a coffee and was thinking over what the day would entail. She had to round on a couple of patients before she went to the pediatrics Christmas Party at 2 o'clock. After getting dressed, she walked over to the mantle above the fireplace in the den. Her hand reached up to the small frame and gently brushed some dust off of it. '_Breathe Mer_' she thought. She left the room and walked towards the car to start her day.

Walking into the hospital gave her a different feeling that day. Her heart felt heavier, her skin tingled and her brain was telling her to be happy. She put a smile on her face and walked towards the elevator. Izzie was already in the locker room when she got there.

"Hey Mer."

"Hi Izz." She said as she opened her locker. She placed her bag in the locker and grabbed her scrubs and lab jacket. She quickly got changed and made basic conversation with Izzie while they got ready.

"You doing the Christmas Party today?" Izzie asked. There was a bit of hesitation in her voice.

"Yeah…should be fun." Meredith smiled. She knew what Izzie was thinking. She was also going to avoid talking about it. "Starts at 2. I need to round on a few patients first." The two friends walked out the door to the nurse's station where Meredith grabbed a couple charts. She started to walk towards a room, "you gonna be ok today Mer?" Izzie said softly. Meredith just looked at her friend. She honestly didn't know. This day was always hard for her. Izzie knew what Meredith was saying. So she turned and walked towards the elevator after saying, "let me know if you need anything."

After doing some rounds and instructing some interns Meredith sat down behind a desk and let out a heavy sigh. She opened up the chart and started writing down some notes.

After finishing her notes she looked up and noticed it was almost 2 o'clock. She walked to the nurse's station. "Nancy?" she looked at the older nurse who had always been a friend to her.

"Yes, Dr. Grey?"

"I'm heading down to the party now. Page me if it's urgent?"

"No problem. Good luck." The nurse smiled to her. She nodded in return and walked to the elevator.

"Hold the elevator!" she yelled.

She managed to get in the elevator just before it closed. She took out her phone to check the time and quickly check her messages. She looked down at a message from Izzie that made her smirk.

_Good luck with the munchkins!_

"Where's your costume?" she said looking up at Derek. He smiled "I tried to reserve them but they were all out."

"Ahhh." She laughed. "Ready for this."

"Yeah, I think so."

The door opened on the pediatrics floor. Derek couldn't believe how it had changed since he had last been in pediatrics. There were Christmas decorations everywhere in the main waiting area and music sounded softly. There was more giggling and laughing then he had heard since he started there. Derek noticed how her face lit up. She had looked upset when he first saw her that day. Her smile wasn't there. Her giggle wasn't heard. Her eyes looked fragile. But when they stepped onto that floor she changed. His heart warmed as he looked around at all the children and their families. Individual rooms had yet to be decorated and some parents had yet to arrive.

She walked further onto the floor and grabbed some decorations. He followed, unsure of what exactly was expected of him. "There are a couple rules when it comes to this party." She turned to look at him.

"Ok."

"First, we are doctors. If something happens, and it will, we tend to the children. But we aim to make this place feel not so hospitally."

"Hospitally?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's sterile and clean, just how it has to be. But most of these kids will be spending Christmas here. The least we can do is make them feel happy about being here."

"Makes sense" he grabbed some decorations and followed Meredith. "Next," she said, "Unless, something happens, we don't act as doctors. For just a little bit we…well…no doctor names ok?

"No doctor names?"

"Yes. Also have some fun. The smiles are worth it." They stopped in front a door and knocked softly. "Hi Richard!"

Inside the room stood the chief, Richard Webber, stood with a small boy and his family. "Meredith and Derek, come in."

"This is Jason." Derek smiled to the little boy. He could not have been more then 6 years old. "Derek could you push him out to the common area? Santa should be here soon." The chief walked out of the room with Meredith following holding the box of decorations. Derek smiled to her. He could see why she liked doing this. Hearing the laughter and seeing the smiles made him feel somewhat less lonely.

In the common area stood a big Christmas tree with a star on the top. There were children and families everywhere, doctors sitting with families and nurse's getting ready for Santa's arrival.

Meredith walked in with a second box on top of the one she was already holding. She felt completely at piece in that moment. The two boxes stood high and she could barely see over top of them. Derek immediately stood and helped her with the boxes.

"Meredith?" Jason asked.

"Yeah buddy."

"When is Santa coming?" His mother tried to calm him down. Jason was nearly jumping out of his wheel chair.

"He'll be here soon Jason. We need to decorate the tree first."

She started going around the room to all the children and gave them each an ornament and a star with their name on it. One by one each child and a parent walked up to the tree. They delicately chose a place for their ornament and placed it on the tree. Next they placed their star on the tree as well. Derek watched with amusements as a little girl, Samantha, who was merely 4 walked up to the tree. "Daddy, up?" she said quietly. Her father lifted her up. "Higher daddy!" He lifted her up a little higher. "Up to the top, daddy!"

"Sweetie, it's as far as I can go." Gently Derek watched as Samantha put her ornament and star on the tree, reaching as far as she could without falling making sure it was just perfect. Her father gently put her down and gave her a little tickle. She giggled as she walked back to her spot on the carpet to wait for Santa.

Soon after all the children put their ornaments on the tree, Santa arrived. Meredith and Derek left the room to give the parents some time with Santa and their children. They told him a funny story, or a Christmas wish. Some got to sit on his lap, some didn't want to. They all got their picture taken but most importantly they all had a smile on their face.

Meredith walked to a desk and picked up a clipboard and a box from below it. She handed to box to Derek. "What are we doing?"

"Each child gets a present. We deliver them while they are with Santa so there is a surprise when the family comes back." Room by room Meredith and Derek place a present at the foot of the beds. The laughed and talked as they opened doors and placed presents on beds until there was only a few presents left. Derek watched as Meredith placed the last gift to be delivered into the last room. He couldn't help but notice how she moved with grace and how she talked with such passion of these children she barely knew.

Meredith tapped Derek on the shoulder and woke him from his daydream. "It's almost time."

"For what?" Derek looked puzzled.

"The other children." A sad smile appeared on Meredith's face as she called to get Santa's attention. "We have a couple more children that would like to see you Santa. They were unable to come out here though." Santa said one last good bye to the children and followed Meredith out of the common room. Derek followed as well.

"Santa, this is Alexia Cromwell," Meredith knocked then gently opened the door. The little girls face looked so full of excitement. Derek could only watch. He couldn't move. The little girl had no hair and looked so subdued from her chemotherapy treatments. He watched as Santa took a present from the box and delivered it to the little girl. Her mother, who was sitting next to her smiled. Her tears were threatening to fall. "Oh Santa! I can't believe you're here! I told momma that you would come. Didn't I momma? Didn't I?" Her mother smiled and just nodded. Words couldn't escape her at the moment. Meredith went over to her and knelt before her and held her hand. She whispered something softly and wiped the mothers tears away. Santa and Alexia had a small but very important conversation about pretty ponies and pink dresses and high heels and princess crowns. When Santa was done, Meredith stood and walked out of the room with him. She glanced at Derek and knew he saw the tears in her eyes threatening to fall.

Just as the exited Alexia's room, a band of nurses ran by. Over the speaker a code blue was called and the happiness that had been created disappeared. Everyone stopped. Parent's gasped and children's smiles went away. Reality came crashing back. They could hear screaming coming from a room down the hall. Meredith froze. Memories crept from the place she hid them and watched as a Doctor ran from a stairwell and into the room. Her and Derek walked to the room just in time to see as the little boy's heart was re-started. She let out a breath that she didn't know she was holding. She watched as the doctors administered some medicine and the screaming from the mother subsided.

Derek could see the pain and anguish on Meredith's face. He gently reached out and touched her hand. He wanted her to know that he was there. Without knowing, as his hand touched hers, she grabbed for his. It felt right. She squeezed it gently and turned towards him. She looked into his eyes. He knew what she was saying. He knew what she was thinking. Softly and gently he whispered, "your welcome." The two and Santa continued to the next room to deliver a special holiday message to another special child.


	8. The Ate

**Chapter 8: They Ate**

* * *

The Christmas Party began to slow down. Soon enough it was time to leave. Derek and Meredith stood in front of the elevator waiting for it to come to their floor. "So what are you up to tonight?" He stood leaning against the wall.

"Not to much. May go grab some dinner and then go home." The elevator doors opened and they got on and both reached for the button for the same floor. Their hands touched and a jolt of electricity went through their bodies. She blushed and stayed quiet for the rest of the ride.

After getting changed, she sent a quick message to Izzie to let here know that she was ok and she was going home for a bit. Derek was waiting in the lobby when she got down there. "So I was thinking…" Derek started as he ran up to her, "why don't you come over and I'll cook dinner?"

"I don't know Derek." She frowned. The idea of being alone with him again made her feel very queasy inside.

They walked into the cold brisk air towards her jeep. "Why not? It beats crappy takeout." he asked.

"I just…look ummm…the thing is…I just think maybe it would be best if I went home."

"C'mon. I'll cook some dinner for you, we'll have some good conversation and then you can go home."

She didn't say anything. She just looked at the ground.

"Why do I get the feeling you don't go out a lot?"

Again she didn't say anything. He looked at her uneasy frame and wondered why she looked so lonely. Why couldn't she say yes? What was bothering her so much that she couldn't just come over for dinner? He just wanted to hold her tight and make all her pain go away. He shook his head. _'I shouldn't be thinking like this'._

She stood there thinking, playing with the keys in her hands. She couldn't think of a reason why she should go. Why would he invite her over? The scarier thought was that for once, she couldn't find a reason to not go.

She turned away from her jeep and placed her keys in her pocket. "What are you cooking?"

He smiled. "We'll figure that out when we get there." He led her to his car and opened the door for her. He drove out of the parking lot and towards the ferry docks within the city. The drive wasn't that long and they parked on the ferry. He turned to her and said, "Feel like a walk?" It had been a long time since Meredith had been on a ferry. Not since she was a little girl. The walked around the ferry side-by-side and laughed over silly stories. For once Meredith felt instantly safe. When the ferry docked, he drove them to his land. He told her briefly that his family was all in New York and he had no one out here so no one had seen his land that he had bought.

They pulled up to a little silver trailer and he parked the car. Again, he opened her door. She got out of the car and looked at the sun setting over his land. She was astonished.

"This is gorgeous!" She exclaimed as she looked around.

"Thank you," He unlocked the door to the trailer and walked inside. "Would you like anything to drink? I have wine, beer, water?"

Meredith finally looked towards him. "Maybe some wine?" She walked towards his door and he held it open for her to enter. It was small and quaint. There was a small table, couch and kitchen. You could do a spin and be able to see the whole thing.

As if he was reading her thoughts, "I'd give you a tour but this is pretty much it."

"I love it."

He opened a bottle of red wine and poured her a glass. "Is pasta ok for dinner?"

"That's great!" She sipped her wine and walked to the door to look through the screen. "Your land really is gorgeous."

He smiled, "I love it here. It's quiet, gets me away from the hospital." He started a pot of water for the pasta and retrieved some homemade sauce from the fridge.

"So what made you move to Seattle?" She asked casually.

"It's a long story." He looked hesitant. She could see that he felt uneasy about the topic. So she tried to ease him on.

"I have time," she said softly. He looked deep in thought, " I mean you don't have to tell me. I was just curious."

He stirred the spaghetti into the water and warmed up some sauce. "Its just…painful you know?"

"Yeah I know all about those type of stories." She frowned. There was a pause in conversation as she looked outside.

"My wife left me." She turned around to face him quickly. _He's married._ "Well not quite. She slept with my best friend and I kicked her out. At first I tried to make it work. But it didn't."

'_So he's not married.' _

"I stayed in New York long enough to make the divorce final. They live together now. I didn't want to stay there. I couldn't stay in a city where everywhere I looked reminded me of what I had had. My dreams were torn apart in that one moment where I walked in on them in bed. My hopes for the future were gone. I didn't want to think about what could have been. So when Richard called me," he paused, "Richard was my mentor." She nodded to acknowledge him.

He then continued. "So when Richard called me and told me about the job I was on the first plane out." There was a sadness in his voice that dripped with unshed tears. She felt for him.

"How long were you married?" She asked sensitively.

"11 years."

"Wow. I'm so sorry. How long have you been divorced then?" She didn't know why, but she was relieved when he confirmed he was divorced.

"Give or take 6 months. It's still fresh." She nodded again.

"Like an open wound." Meredith tried not to look at him. Her open wound had yet to heal.

He looked at her and watched her fiddle with her now empty wine glass. "And you?"

"Huh?" She looked up at him as he was placing the spaghetti on a plate and topping it with sauce and cheese. He placed the two plates at the table and took her wine glass from her, silently encouraging her to sit down to eat. He poured a little more wine into each glass and sat down across from her. "How long have you lived in Seattle?"

"Most of my life. My mother and I moved temporarily to Boston. I moved back for college and med school. Richard was a good friend of my mother's. He took me in when I moved back here. Helped me out with a lot of stuff. I don't have a great relationship with my mother."

"Ahh, I...uh…" he paused not wanting to say anything offensive, "I consulted at Boston General a couple times. Your mother is a hard ass. No offense."

She smiled, "None taken. That's pretty much the reason I am out here and not there." He smiled in return and they both continued friendly conversation over dinner. After dinner, he drove her back to the hospital where he dropped her off to get her car. She got out of his car and thanked him for dinner.

She sat in her car for a while staring out the windshield. She watched the familliar Seattle rain fall swiftly from the sky and land in thick droplets on the front of her car. Quickly, as to not think twice over the moment, she picked up her phone and dialed a familiar phone number.

"Hey…yeah…can you send me that box now?…no that's ok…the end of the week yeah that works …I'll talk to you later…Thanks again Christina"

****

Almost a week and a half later, Meredith and Derek were walking out of the scrub room when Meredith was paged down to the nurse's station. Meredith and Derek had become good friends. They had started having meals together during their shifts. They helped each other on a lot of cases. Izzie was generally busy with Alex, so this worked will for Meredith. They walked towards the nurse's station. Derek grabbed the chart to start writing post-op notes. "What's up Nancy?" Meredith asked as she looked over Derek's shoulder to see what he was writing.

"You had a package delivered." Meredith looked up. She had never had a package delivered as long as she had worked there.

"Really? Where is it?"

Before Nancy could answer, she heard Izzie voice, "Meredith, you knew Christina was coming and you didn't tell me?" Meredith turned around to see Christina standing beside Izzie. Her arms were crossed in front of her and she had a smug look on her face.

"I would've but I didn't know she was coming." She walked over to Christina, "why are you here? When did you get in? I could've come pick you up you know? Did Owen come?"

Derek watched from his spot at the desk as Christina and Meredith talked. He knew that Meredith and Izzie's friendship was cherished. But from what he could tell the relationship she had with Christina was older and stronger. "No hugs Mer. I'm here because you asked me to come here."

"I didn't ask you to come here."

"Yes you did. And your real package is in the trunk of my rental car."

"Good." Meredith nodded. "Ok. So I have a couple hours left of my shift. Do you want to chill here or do you want me to meet you at my house?"

"I'll meet you there. I'm gonna go and have a nap. Maybe call Owen. Maybe order us some takeout so we don't burn down the house again."

"We did not burn down the house."

"No but the kitchen was gone." Izzie laughed at the memory of the last time Christina visited.

"Whatever. Do you still have your key?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah. I'll meet you there for like 8ish."

They three girls talked and gabbed for a couple minutes before Izzie got paged away. They quickly sorted out details for Izzie and Alex to come over as well. Just as Izzie was about to walk away she said, "Mer, you should invite Derek to." Then she turned and ran out the stairwell leaving her under Christina's defiant stare.

Christina looked over at Meredith yelled, "We'll see Izzie."

She looked at Christina who was looking at her quizzically. "My, my, my. We sure have a lot to catch up on. You want to go through this box after all these years AND you have a boy toy." She laughed.

"He's not a boy toy, just…" she paused and looked back to Derek who was looking at her trying not to laugh. He waved at the two of them. Christina was smiling between the gaze Meredith and Derek had created. "…He's just a friend." She blushed and waved back. He smirked at her and then continued writing his notes.

The two girls walked towards the elevators where Christina left to go nap before Meredith, Izzie and Alex came over. She wasn't sure if she should ask Derek. She could ask him. Derek thought nicely of Izzie and Alex. _He is a friend. _She thought as she walked back to the nurse's station.


	9. She Sat

**Chapter 9: She Sat**

* * *

Meredith walked around the hospital in a daze. She didn't know if she wanted Derek at her house that night. He was always kind. He was always friendly and she didn't doubt that he would be kind to her friends. The box in which she needed to sort through had been at Christina's house for a long time. She knew that she needed to go through it but there never seemed to be a good time.

Alex sat down beside Meredith on a bench outside the hospital. Their relationship had been testy but Meredith's family was the people that surrounded her, Izzie, Alex and Christina. "You okay?" He asked.

"Yes."

"You know he'll understand when you tell him."

"Yes"

"You know I don't need a male there to keep me company."

"Yes"

"Ok"

The both sat on the bench looking towards the hospital for a while. He sat quietly knowing that she would talk when she wanted to. "I love her you know."

"She loves you too Alex."

"You think so?"

"I know. You're her life Alex. You're all she talks about. You're everything to her."

"I know." Alex looked towards her. "You're allowed to be ok. You don't need to sit here, in this place, alone you know."

"Yeah," she looked down at her feet. Tears were pooling in her eyes. Alex wrapped one arm around her shoulders. "You're allowed to be happy Mer. It's been too long. You need to smile again."

She smiled towards him. "He's just a friend. A good friend."

"Sure Mer. Just…" he paused to stand and took her hands to help her up, "at least he's a friend. You need people other then us." They walked together towards the hospital.

"Thanks Alex."

"No problem."

Meredith walked into the hospital and went to find Derek. First stop the elevator, when in doubt she'd try the elevator, as he always seemed to be there. Next she tried his office. Finally she tried the cafeteria. When she didn't find him there she continued to the stairs to go up to the surgical floor to round on some patients. With no such luck in finding Derek, she finished her shift and headed home.

She arrived home that night to find Alex, Izzie and Christina sitting around a couple boxes of pizza with a bottle of tequila and 4 shot glasses. By the end of the night the tequila was gone and empty pizza boxes lied around the room.

****

A box! It was a bankers box. A square cardboard bankers box that sat on Meredith's dresser. It haunted her all night long. A box. She didn't sleep. Instead she looked at the box. You'd think that after half a bottle of tequila she'd pass out but no. She spent all night looking at a square cardboard white bankers box. She tried to put it in her closet. But she new it was there and still couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned and turned and tossed. A white cardboard taped up box that haunted Meredith for as long as she could remember. This is why it had been with Christina all this time. She knew she needed to open it. She knew that it needed to be opened.

When she had had enough, the white square cardboard bankers box was then carried down to the kitchen and put on the island in the middle of the room. She quickly made some coffee and sat down on a stool and stared at it. All she had to do was slit the tape that held the lid down and take off the lid. She was frozen. Her coffee was nestled in her hands. The only movement she made was to bring the cup of coffee to her mouth to take a sip.

When the coffee was done, she moved the box from the island to the middle of the table. She proceeded to get a pair of scissors from the drawer and stood in front of the table. She placed the scissors on the table and slowly and patiently circled the table looking only at the box. She looked from the scissors to the box and back to the scissors again.

She panicked.

Running up the stairs, Meredith climbed them 2 at a time and quickly got dressed. She ran back down the stairs, grabbed her purse and jacket and ran out the door. Not once did she look at the box again that morning.


	10. He Watched

**Chapter 10: He Watched**

* * *

Meredith walked quickly into the hospital. She was going so fast that one could say that she was almost running. She kept her head down and tried not to look at anyone. Why had she panicked? What made her run? The contents of that box were items she had seen numerous times before. Just not in a long time.

With her head down she walked through the double doors and into the main lobby of the hospital. She didn't say anything to anyone. Maybe she should have kept her head up. Maybe she should have said hello to someone. Maybe then she wouldn't have walked directly into someone and landed on her back with a thump.

Everyone around her stopped and looked to make sure she was okay. But only the body of the man she walked into knelt down beside her to help.

"Meredith? Meredith? Are you okay?"

She gently opened her eyes and looked straight up into a set of deep blue eyes filled with worry.

"Oh God" she moaned. When he was sure she hadn't hit her head to hard he tried to help her up.

"Here let me help you up." Derek gently took her hand and helped her stand. She stumbled a little and fell into his arms. When she was steady he guided her to the elevator holding her things in his hand. She leaned against the cool wall of the elevator while it ascended to the surgical floor. She attempted to tell Derek she was okay, but after seeing her wobble a little bit he swiftly walked her down the hallway and stopped in front of his office.

"Seriously Derek, I'm okay."

"Meredith, just have a seat for a little while." She looked exhausted. Her eyes were drooping and the frown seemed permanent on her face. "You can go do rounds after you've had a seat."

Meredith was drained. Emotionally, physically and mentally drained. All over, what she considered, a stupid white cardboard bankers box. He sat her down on the sofa that was sitting in his office.

"Just sit and relax for a moment." Her bag was placed gently on the floor and he walked over to the little water cooler and grabbed some water and gave it to her. She drank a little and looked towards him. "I'm so sorry Der."

"Not a problem. You're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." He could hear the sleepiness in her voice. She leaned her head back and rested it on the back of the couch. Her eyelids became heavy and she did her best to try and stay awake but the fatigue hit her like a brick. He knelt before her so she could see him. "Lie down. Get some sleep." He whispered.

"I need to work."

"Not like this you can't. Just rest. I'll check on your patients." He gently moved some hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.

"Thanks Der."

"Your welcome."

Gently she lied down on the couch and sleep overtook her immediately. He quietly went to his closet and got a blanket and pillow he had stored there for nights that he needed to sleep at the hospital. Gently, he lifted her head and place the pillow below it and then spread a quilt overtop of her. He walked to his desk and quietly did some paperwork while he let her sleep.

****

Derek must have sat as his desk for nearly an hour trying to do some paperwork. The operative word was trying. He was not being successful at all. Paperwork was his least favorite part and today was exactly like every other day he tried to do it. The only difference was that today, a beautiful woman lie on his couch. A beautiful blond that he couldn't take his eyes off of!

Every time she stirred, moved, or made the smallest of snores, his attention would be grabbed and he couldn't look away. He watched her breathe and watched as her face as it changed. _She must be dreaming,_ he thought. He couldn't tear his eyes away.

Deciding he'd spent wasted enough time trying to do paperwork; he left a quick note for Meredith that he was checking on her patients and to rest. He quietly closed his door and told his secretary he was off to check on his patients and to hold phone calls into his office. He walked briskly to the nurse's station.

"Nancy, can I have the charts for rooms 2352 and 3434 and the charts for Dr. Grey's patients as well?"

"Sure Dr. Sheppard."

"Dr. Sheppard?" He turned around to see Izzie standing directly behind him.

"Dr. Stevens."

"Have you seen Dr. Grey this morning? She was supposed to be here an hour ago and I haven't seen her yet."

"Oh, yeah," he said as he got the charts from Nancy. He looked at Nancy as said, "Can you have an intern paged for me immediately?" She nodded and he turned back to Izzie.

"She and I ran into each other this morning, literally." He walked towards one of Meredith's patient's rooms.

"Oh do you know where she is now." She frowned as she followed him.

"Yeah, she looked exhausted. She's sleeping on the couch in my office."

"What? Why?"

He paused to look over a chart and wait for an intern. "Dr. Stevens," he looked directly at her, "we literally ran into each other this morning. And no disrespect to her, but she looked like shit. So she's sleeping."

"Dr. Sheppard?" Derek looked to his awaiting intern and nodded. "One second, Dr. Peters."

"Please leave her be Dr. Stevens. She looked like she had not slept last night," Izzie nodded before saying a thankful goodbye. Derek and Dr. Peters enter Meredith's first patients room to check vitals, "Please present Dr. Peters," was all Izzie heard as she walked away.

She opened her phone and quickly hit the speed dial for Christina.

"What?" Izzie smiled glad to have Christina on this side on the country, even if it was only for a short period of time.

"Did she open it?"

"No."

"Hmm…"

"Yeah. She must have tossed and turned all friggen night. Kept me up."

"She's sleeping in Derek's office now."

"Hmm…"

"Yeah"

There was a pause. "Do you think this is a good time to open it Christina?"

"I think she has to so she can move on." Christina knew she had to be more sensitive with Izzie, but if Meredith didn't open the damn box soon, she was going to force it upon her.

"You coming by today?"

"Yeah, I'll probably see if Richard will let me scrub in, maybe watch in the gallery."

"We'll see you for lunch then" They said goodbye. Izzie could only hope that it was the right time. Christina could only hope that Meredith was finally ready to move forward.


	11. He Defended

**Chapter 11: He Defended**

* * *

After Derek checked on the patients, both his and Meredith's, he handled a consult in the pit. He returned to his office to find the blanket folded neatly on the couch with the pillow on top. A note sat on top. He picked it up to read it.

Thank you for letting me sleep.

_I'm having lunch at 2 in the cafeteria with Izzie, Alex and Christina._

_Please come!_

_Meredith._

He smiled and looked at his clock. It was 1:45. His head turned to look at the paperwork on his desk that he knew he had to complete, and then back at the note. Back to the paper work, back to the note. With one last check of the clock, he turned back to the door and walked back to through the door and passed his secretary.

He walked into the cafeteria and immediately saw her looking for something to buy.

"Feeling better?" She jumped slightly, not having heard him walk up behind her. Then turned around and smiled.

"I didn't hear you there. Thanks so much for everything. You know the temporary bed, checking on the patients, the bump on my head."

"No problem," he immediately concerned of the bump. He felt the back of her head to find a small bump. "You should be ok. But just so you know Mr. Emmerson in 3512 spiked a pretty high fever last night. You should probably check on him in a bit."

"Thanks." She picked up a small bag of chips. He grabbed them from her and told her to go sit with her friends. She just looked at him, questioning him.

"I got it today. You paid last time. Go sit with your friends. I'll be right over."

She smiled and walked quickly over to her friends. Derek grabbed two salads, some drinks and her bag of chips and quickly paid. "Thanks Doris. Keep the change," he said to the lunch lady and handed her some bills. He turned to the sound of her giggling and walked over to her table. He sat the food down in front of her. She slid over so he could sit down beside her.

"You didn't have to get me a salad. I just needed the chips."

"No worries, Mer."

"Seriously, chips were fine."

"Meredith." He looked straight at her.

"Yeah."

"Shut up and eat." She smiled at him, picked up her fork and started eating. Across the table Christina sat watching the interaction with amusement. Izzie glanced at Christina quickly.

Derek caught the look the two girls gave each other. "Derek Sheppard." He reached is hand across the table to shake Christina's hand.

"Christina Yang." She gladly shook it.

****

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

Everyone groaned and picked up the pagers to see who's was going off. "Crap." Meredith said. "Shit. It's a 911. I have to go. It's Mr. Emmerson. What was his temp last night?" She looked quickly to Derek.

"101.3" She started to pick up her garbage. "Go Mer. I told you he wasn't good this morning. I got this."

"Thanks."

Derek turned around to a set of smug faces before him. "What?" Christina just laughed. He started to pick up the garbage lying on the table.

"You two sure you're just friends?" Christina knew that is was safer to ask this question to Derek as opposed to Meredith.

Derek looked down at the table, "Yes Christina."

Izzie and Alex stood to leave, "We've got to head to check on some patients. You two have fun."

"Derek." Christina started.

"Christina." He matched her stare. Daring her to try and counter his response to her question.

"How long have you been working here now?" She was trying to make some friendly conversation.

"A little while. Not to long. Why?"

"She's been through a lot."

"I gathered."

"She's been hurt."

"I assumed. You generally don't live through college and med school without being hurt in some way."

"I heard about the night at Joes."

Derek sighed. He wasn't sure exactly what Christina was looking for. Ultimately she was just looking out for her friend. "Christina," he started, "it happened. We don't dwell on it. I'm not in high school. Meredith is great. I don't need to tell you that. I've had a hard year. From what I gather, she's had rough years. She'll tell me what's going on if she wants to. And for the record, she doesn't have to." Christina continued her stare and crossed her arms over her chest.

"She's not weak Derek. She's just…hasn't smiled in a long time."

"Look, I have to go scrub in for surgery. You can watch in the gallery if you want. I'm not sure what else Mer has to do today." He gathered the garbage and stood up to walk away. "She's your friend. And be it if you believe me or not, we are just friends. She's a remarkable woman with the strength of a hundred women in her. The decisions we make are ours only." Derek then turned and walked out of the cafeteria leaving Christina to wonder about the two of them.


	12. She Stood

**Chapter 12: She Stood**

* * *

Meredith left Mr. Emmerson's room 30 minutes later. She had just called time of death and walked to the nurse's station to write some notes in his chart. She took his chart and walked up to the gallery to watch a surgery that was taking place. Upon walking into the gallery she saw Christina sitting alone watching intently as the patient was given the anesthesia and fell asleep.

She sat down with a big sigh and opened the chart. "How'd it go?" Christina asked.

"He died. There must have been a clot." She started writing some notes down.

"That bites."

"Yeah. How long you staying for?"

"I don't know. At most a week." Christina's eyes never left the operating table. "You doing ok?"

"Yeah. The box is creeping me out."

"You should open it."

"I know," Meredith sighed and stopped writing, "you'd think it would get easier you know. I boxed it all away. Taking it out of the box shouldn't be that difficult." They paused. Christina kept watching. Meredith continued writing.

"How's Owen?"

"Good as always. Keeps pressing the marriage button."

"How long have you been together now?"

"Too long."

"Hmm…ready to say yes yet?"

"Hell no. Not till he gives in I'll be chief first." Meredith smiled. Some things would never change.

"I'm going to Joes for some drinks tonight with Alex and Izzie."

"I'm on call tonight."

"What about McDreamy down there?" Christina nodded towards the window of the gallery.

"Don't know what he's doing. He'll probably go home."

"He does a lot for you." Christina's eyes finally left the gallery and looked towards her friend.

"Honestly, the one night was supposed to be a one night thing you know? Then I come back to work and he's here and now we're friends. Just friends."

Derek looked up from the gallery to see the two girls talking quietly with each other. He turned his mind back to the surgery at hand. _Just Friends._ For now it would have to do.

****

For days the cardboard box sat on top of the kitchen table. The scissors sat on the table and taunted her every time she looked at them. She would look at it everyday. The tape stayed closed and the box didn't move. The scissors sat upon the table right beside the box.

When Meredith got home 4 days after Christina arrived, the bankers box still sat upon the table. It almost looked as if nothing had changed. She shook her head and walked out of the kitchen to look for Christina. She stopped when she noticed what seemed to be different. The only thing different was that the scissors were now sitting on top of the box with a note.

_Sorry I had to go. But I'll be back for New Years!_

_I did the cutting, ripped off the band-aid. The tape is cut. Do this soon so you can start the New Year off with a bang, got it? Good._

_Good Luck!_

_Christina_

She looked towards the box and sure enough the tape was cut. Leave it to Christina to help her with the hardest part. She backed away and went to the fridge to look at the calendar. If it wasn't for the Children's Christmas Party she wouldn't even know that the holidays were here. She didn't exchange gifts with anyone. No decorations were put up in her house. Everyone gathered together on New Years. It was a tradition. Christina had only missed once since she had moved away.

New years was 2 weeks away, which meant that Christmas was coming up soon. She decided that avoiding the box a little bit longer was necessary and went to bed.

She awoke the next morning after a restless sleep and automatically went back into the hospital. She walked to the coffee cart as soon as she arrived. The kitchen was not on her list of rooms to visit this morning.

She hastily changed into her scrubs and rounded on some patients. She finished her charting and before she started her afternoon pre-ops she went to find Derek. She paced for about five minutes in front of his office. Julie, his secretary, watched with amusement! "Dr. Grey?"

"Oh," she stopped pacing and turned to look at her, "yes Julie?"

"He's inside, not out here. Should I tell him you'd like to see him?"

"Right…umm actually I changed my mind. Thanks Julie." As soon as the words left her mouth his door opened. He had watched her pace. He had heard her outside talking to Julie. When he finally noticed her ready to bolt he opened the door to see her.

"Hello Dr. Grey." His smile stretched as far as she thought it could. He leaned against the frame of her door; his head leaned softly to the side.

"Dr. Sheperd." She nodded. Julie sat back and watched. In all her life she hadn't seen to people avoid things like these two. She shook her head gently and answered the phone as it rang.

She had come to see him for two reasons. First was a favor, next the consult in room 3224. The latter was the only one she spoke of.

"I…uh…can you come look at some MRI scans for me? I have a patient with an aneurysm that is in a tricky spot and I'm not sure if it is operable or not?" Her fingers were wrangling. Something was making her very nervous. He could see it.

"Absolutely." He shut his door and nodded to Julie who was talking on the phone. He put his hand on the small of her back and led her towards the nurse's station to get the chart. The entire time they walked down the hall, his hand stayed on her back. To the naked eye it would have seemed like nothing. To Izzie, who had just walked by the two, it was a flash of what could be.

They talked about the case and Derek explained how they could operate if the patient decided to. After looking at the MRI scans and discussing the recommendations, Derek went to see the patient. Meredith had been called away to another case and before long it was lunch.

She walked back to his office. This time she didn't pace in front of his door. She froze. Julie didn't even look up from the paperwork, "Dr. Grey, you can go in if you'd like."

She blushed, "Thanks Julie."

She slowly opened the door and could hear him talking on his phone. "I know mom…no…you have to understand…yes mom…I'd ask you to come here but that's not fair to the little ones…yes…no… mom…cut me some slack," he groaned as he looked up and saw Meredith standing nervously in front on his couch, "no I won't be alone." He smiled in her direction. "I'll do my best for February ok…ok…. love you too mom." He hung up the phone. He walked over to where she was now sitting and sat down beside her.

"Meredith are you ok?" Her fingers were wrangling and he looked like she was going to throw up.

"Ihaveafavor." It came out so fast she wasn't even sure she understood it.

"What?"

"I need you to help me do something."

"Meredith, you're going to need to elaborate."

"What?"

He turned a little more towards her and rested his arm on the back of the couch. "I'd help you do anything Mer. But I'm sure there's something specific that you want my help with."

She turned a little more towards him. She took a deep breath and said, "Can you help me go through a box? It's just a box that's been sitting in my house since Christina arrived and at some point I need to go through it and I need to do it soon. I'd do it with Izzie but she's busy all week with Christmas coming up and Alex. I mean I didn't know if you were going home to New York but I need to do it…"

Softly his lips touched her forehead and his hand reached to cup the side of her face. He couldn't really understand her she was talking so quick. The rambling, while totally adorable, was completely unnecessary. She immediately stopped when she felt his lips press against her forehead and looked into his eyes. Her breath caught in her throat, her head felt light. _'Breathe Mer'_ was all she could think.

"How does tomorrow night sound?" He said quietly.

"Yea?"

"Yea." His phone rang. He groaned and didn't want to move from the position he was sitting with her. He ignored it and looked back at her.

"I'll cook dinner. We'll have some wine and do what you need to do?"

"Sure. Thanks."

His phone rang again and he groaned. "You should take that. I'll leave you be."

"Ok." They both stood and he gave her a quick hug before she walked out the door. He picked up the phone. "Hey Nancy, hold on k?" Just as Meredith was leaving the door he called her name, "Meredith?"

"Yeah?" She turned around briefly,

"I'm not going to New York for Christmas."

She just smiled and walked out the door listening to Derek tell whoever was on the phone that indeed he was not going to New York for Christmas. Julie chuckled and shook her head as she walked passed her desk.


	13. She Explained

**Chapter 13: She Explained**

* * *

Derek arrived at Meredith's house the next day a little earlier then he had expected. He knocked on her door laughing at the first memory that waved through him. He could hear music from within as he knocked on her door. His hands were filled with groceries for dinner that night.

The door whipped open and Meredith stood in front of him. "Oh, hey" she smiled, "your early. Let me take some of that for you." She took a bag from his arms and he followed her into the house. She turned down the music and walked towards the kitchen. "So what are you cooking?" She asked as he put the bags down.

"Chicken parm." He smiled.

"Sounds great."

"Probably better then take out huh?" He smiled gently towards her.

"I can cook." She giggled.

"Like cereal?"

"More like grilled cheese." She smiled and watched him take some of the groceries out of the bags. He took a bottle of wine out of one bag, "Corkscrew?"

"Yeah, I'll get it." She walked around to the drawer and pulled out a corkscrew. She then opened a cupboard and took out some wineglasses.

"Are you going to help?" he asked as he found some pots and pans.

"No."

"Really not even a little cutting."

"No." She poured the wine into some glasses and handed him one.

"Why not?"

"Trust me you don't want the house burnt down." She laughed, "I can't boil water."

"Ok you sit there and watch. I'll do the hard labor."

She giggled as he cooked and listened as he told her about his family. His mom, 4 sisters and all the nieces and nephews back in New York. She listened as he talked about the house he grew up in. She avoided the subject of why he was in Seattle and instead talked about how he liked it and what he was going to do with his land.

"I take it she wasn't happy when you decided to move out here." Meredith asked referring to his mother. She grabbed a piece of lettuce from the salad he was making to munch on.

"No not really. I'm generally a happy person. I loved my wife. I loved my job. I loved everything about my life. When it was taken away like that I became very sullen. I told her I was leaving and then left. Tore off the band-aid."

"No anesthesia." She sighed and nodded in understanding.

"Yeah exactly. She wasn't happy but she understood. I promised I'd visit as often as I could. She's a little upset about me not going home for Christmas but I told her I'd come visit for her birthday. She's okay with that."

"Why did you decide to stay for Christmas?"

"I was originally going to go home for Christmas. I miss my family and my nieces and nephews really make it special." He paused and looked at her and shrugged. "I found a reason to stay here." He said as his eyes caught hers with a small smile on his face. Her skin heated up and a slight color rose on her cheeks.

When dinner was almost finished Meredith started setting the table. She paused when she looked at the box. Her fingers gently moved over the tape of the box that Christina had cut. '_Deep breaths'_ she thought as she fought gentle tears away. She lifted the box carefully and moved it for the first time from the kitchen table to the den. She placed plates and silverware on the table and poured some more wine. Derek served the dinner and they sat and talked. More about her this time though, although the details were a little scarcer.

"How long did you live in Boston?"

"Up until college. This is really good Derek." She said taking a bite of the chicken. She tried to change the subject, with no such luck.

"Thanks…Christina lives there?"

"Yeah. She's a childhood friend. I moved but we've always kept in touch. She moved here to go to med school with me. We did that together. Competed for top grades. But she wanted cardio. So she moved back to Boston to do her residency with a top cardio surgeon."

"Hmm…how often do you get to see each other?"

"She tries to come at least for New Year's. But with work and everything it's hard to see her in between. I've gone there or she comes here."

A comfortable silence loomed over them as they finished their meals. Once finished Meredith stood and cleared the table. Derek grabbed the wine glasses and sat on the same stool that Meredith had sat on earlier. When she was finished she poured herself some more wine and sat on the stool beside him. He could sense her nervousness all night. Once she stood to clear the table he witnessed the tension grow even more.

"You okay?" Her face was down and she was tinkling with the wine glass. He gently took his hand and placed it under her chin to lift it up. "Yeah I'm okay." She said as she looked up.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Ok then." His hand moved from her face to her hand held it firmly but gently. The touch of his hand made her swoon. Her heart leapt and her skin tingled. Memories of briefly flashed through her head before he took her out of her reverie, "What was this favor you needed help with?"

She took a deep breath, "You bring the wine bottle and I'll bring the glasses."

He quickly grabbed the bottle of wine and followed her into the den. She placed the wine glasses on the table and grabbed the photo from the mantle and the box from the floor. He watched as she swiftly grabbed the items and sat on the couch. She sat with one leg under the other. She took a deep breath. "I need to go through this box. It's something that I should've done a long time ago and I haven't." She crinkled up the note from Christina quickly. "Christina told me to open it. Start the New Year with a bang so to say. But I haven't yet and oddly, it's not something I can't do on my own. So I thought that maybe you could help me you know. I mean I couldn't even cut the tape, Christina had to do that…" Derek quickly sat down beside her and moved the box to the floor.

Derek quietly listened as she talked. He held her hand gently and rubbed his thumb over her palm.

"So where do we start?" He whispered instantly realizing that there was an underlying story that had to be told.

She took a deep breath and slowly started her story. She picked up the small frame that contained a picture of a small boy with short blond hair and gray eyes. Her thumb ran gently over top of the picture. "Where to start?" Meredith paused for a moment and wondered why its felt ok to tell him this story. She wasn't exactly an open book. She tried to stay out of the gossip and kept to herself. But sitting on the couch with Derek beside her made her want to tell him all her dark secrets. Let him know what exactly she was thinking deep down inside.

"Okay, well I was 20. In my second year of University, and I was a big partier. But got the grades I wanted. I knew I was going to be a surgeon. It's in my blood. Even if my mother didn't think I could do it. So I go out one night and I meet this guy and to make a long story short we were together off and on for about a year. Near the end it became more of a sex thing…"she paused, collected her thought, "You probably didn't need to know that part." He smiled and let her continue. "So anyways, I got pregnant. He left. I haven't seen him since."

Derek had no idea where her story was going but he assumed she was nowhere near the end. He picket the two glasses up and handed one to her and let he take a break from her story.

"You have nieces and nephews, I assume you know how hard those nine months can be on a mother. On top of all that my mother stopped talking to me. I embarrassed her. So I called Richard, he's an old family friend, and he took me in. Helped me move universities. Izzie moved with me to help out. Christina did too, until residency started anyways. He helped me finish my degree and helped me get into Med School eventually. Anyways, Sean was born and he became my life. I contemplated giving up medicine for a while. I didn't want to be my mother. When I was young I was with nannies a lot. I didn't want that for Sean. Izzie helped with the late nights. She was his godmother. So after many long nights and near the middle of med school, Sean got sick. He was 3.

"He started by getting very tired. Then he got pale. I watched as he deteriorated. Richard hired the best doctors that he could find." Derek reached up and wiped the tear that had made its way down her cheek. "They did so many tests. Turned out he had leukemia. He went through chemo and radiation. Every type of medicine he could have that wouldn't kill him was given to him. He was the light to my bright and shiny world. He was my everyday and to watch him fade away it was so painful." She paused and looked up at his caring eyes. She took a deep breath before continuing and looked back down to the photograph.

"We spent a lot of time at Seattle Grace in the pediatric ward. He needed a bone marrow transplant. I was no match. They couldn't find one. I even tried to find his father. But he was nowhere to be found. Then one day, his heart stopped. The doctors tried to revive him. His heart was just too weak. The leukemia over took his body and I lost my reason to live." The tears were slowly flowing silently down her cheeks and her heart was aching. Derek's heart was falling apart for her. He couldn't imagine this happening to one of his sister's children, let alone a child of his own. She wiped her tears away and looked towards the box. She took another deep breath.

"So when the funeral was done and over with I boxed up what I could of the important things. I shut the door to his room upstairs and locked it. No one has been in there since. I didn't want to think about what I had lost. I moved forward quickly. I completed medical school and started my residency at Seattle Grace. They had helped me so much during that time that I couldn't think of working anywhere else.

"Izzie and Christina didn't know what to do. At some point after Sean was born, Alex became part of us. He and Izzie hit it off. Then Christina found Owen and I stood still. I lost my reason to live, my reason to be alive and my reason to move forward. If it hadn't been for school, I'd probably be lying dead in an alley somewhere." Her voice quivered. He pulled her into his arms and helped her calm down. There was a long pause, which was surprisingly comfortable for Meredith.

"Why did Christina have the box?" He asked softly.

"When she went home after the funeral, I sent it home with her. I thought that if I moved forward and didn't think of it I'd move on faster."

"Did it work?"

"No. They're worried about me. All I have done since he died was go to school and work. I don't have friends outside of Alex and Izzie and Christina and Owen. The night I met you, was the first time I'd been out in over 6 months."

"Oh. Is that him?"

"Yeah. It's the only picture I have in this house. Besides what's in his room, which like I said I haven't been in. It was too hard to deal with. The loneliness of not having him here overtook me. I really haven't moved since he passed."

She stood from her spot on the couch and excused herself from the room to go freshen up. The story had exhausted her but she knew there was a harder part to come. Derek gently sipped his wine as he waited for Meredith to return from the bathroom. He couldn't imagine how she felt. His life had been ripped apart from him but slowly he had gotten over that pain. This pain seemed so different, so raw. He wanted to make the tears stop and rip the pain from her heart.

She sat down with a sigh and looked towards him. He gently smiled, "are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah."

"What made you decide to do this now?"

"My mother died this year." He had heard about that. Everyone in the medical world had heard that Dr. Grey had died. "We hadn't talked since I had Sean. Our relationship was not one of the greatest. It's time to move on I guess. After dinner at your place, I just knew it was time." He didn't know what to say. The odd time he consulted at Boston General, Ellis Grey had ridden his ass so much he avoided that hospital at all costs. He honestly couldn't blame her for having a hard relationship with her mother.

"Besides," she shrugged, and looked timidly towards him, "I found my reason to move on."


	14. He Met

**Chapter 14: He Met**

* * *

Derek smoothly moved the table in the den out of the way. He then put the fireplace on to rid the room of the soft chill that was created form the coldness outside. He grabbed a pillow off the couch and sat down on the floor. He guided Meredith to sit in front of him. He spread his legs a little as she sat in front and wrapped his arms around her stomach. She relaxed into the touch. His chin rested comfortably on her shoulder. She sat cross-legged and placed the box in front of her. She stared at the box, daring it to open itself. He watched her face but didn't dare say anything.

A moment of panic arose in her face, but he held her tightly. Soothingly, he lightly kissed her shoulder and reached for the lid on the box. Her eyes watched his hands and she watched as the boxes contents came into view for the first time in years. There on top lied a blue blanket. Her breath caught in her throat. She froze. She wanted to run far away and hide. He could feel the tenseness in her body and his heart ached at the pain she might be feeling.

"Meredith," he said softly. She didn't say anything in return. Her eyes didn't move from the soft blue blanket.

"Meredith," he forced her face to look at him. He kissed her forehead lovingly and quietly said "tell me about Sean. Let me meet Sean."

"You want to meet Sean?"

"Yes, I want to know all about him." She nodded. She grew quiet as she contemplated what to tell him.

"Sean Richard Grey." He listened. He never talked and watched as a glimmer of something he had never seen in her eyes appears. "Sean Richard Grey." She hadn't said his full name in so long. She turned back to the box and shaking, she pulled out the blue blanked that sat on top.

"This was his blanket. He took it everywhere with him. His best friend." She picked at a stain and tears filled her eyes, "he spilled chocolate ice cream on it one day. I couldn't get it out. He cried and cried and cried and cried."

She reached into the box and pulled out a soft brown teddy bear with a red polka dot bow tie. "Richard bought him this the day he was born."

One by one items came out of the box, some cars, few pictures, some clothes and some toys. Derek gently looked at everything one by one. As each piece was taken out of the box Meredith got a little gigglier and told him about memories the two had created together. She laughed about times when they played in tents in the house, pretending to have a campout.

In the bottom of the box was a black album she had never seen before. She gently pulled it out and opened it up. Her hands shook so much she could barely turn the pages. Derek's hand swiftly covered hers and they turned to the first page with a picture of Sean. As they went through the pages, she found pictures of her and Sean and Alex, Izzie, Christina and Richard. A single tear fell from her eye and she quickly brushed it away.

"I threw all these out."

"You threw them out?" There were pictures of Meredith and Sean the day he was born through every birthday party and everything in between.

"I was so upset that I boxed up this stuff and threw all these photos out." Together they turned the pages and reached the end. On the very last page there was a picture of Meredith, Sean and Santa in a hospital room at the pediatrics Christmas party. Derek could see the sadness in her eyes in the photo. He could only assume that was Sean's last Christmas. Below the picture, smoothly written was:

_With Love,_

_Izzie Stevens_

"Oh my," her hands traced the letters. She turned to look Derek straight in the eye for the first time since they had started. She didn't know what to say. There was no way for her to repay Izzie for this. No ounce of gratitude could be given for this one memento of a life she had chose to forget.

"I need to find Izzie." She hurried.

"Now?"

"Yes now." It was late and she knew it. But she needed to find Izzie. But Meredith also new that with the hours Izzie worked, she'd be home baking.

"Now? It's midnight."

"You can stay here or come with Derek, either way I'm going now."

She turned off the fireplace quickly and grasped Derek's hand. They quickly through on their jackets and shoes and ran out the door. Meredith clutched the album tightly in her arms. Derek slid past her and opened the passenger side door of his car for her to get in.

She paused in front of the car. "Meredith, I'll take you to see Izzie but you have to get in the car." Derek laughed.

She looked at him, smiled softly and got in the car. He ran to the other side and got in. The drive was silent. His one hand rested on the steering wheel and the other held Meredith's hand. If it hadn't been holding her hand, her fingers would have been fidgeting the entire drive. Her eyes never left the windshield and the album was glued to her chest as Derek raced through town to get her to the hospital. She guided him through town to Izzie's apartment.

She rushed out of the car to the main door and buzzed Izzie's apartment. Derek followed soon after.

"Hello."

"Izzie let us up."

"Meredith do you know what time it is."

"Yes, let us up."

"Us? Who's us?"

"Us. Open the damn door Izzie."

"Ok. Hold on." Soon enough the door buzzed and Meredith darted through it. She was climbing the stairs so fast Derek had to climb two at a time to keep up with her. Soon they arrived at her door and Meredith knocked loudly. Derek leaned against the frame and tried to catch his breath.

"Open up Izzie."

"Good God Mer, what has gotten into you" Meredith ran into the apartment. Sure enough the smell of chocolate cupcakes filled her senses. Derek followed slowly and stood quietly in the doorway.

"Hi Alex," she said when she walked into the living area. He nodded sleepily in her direction. Meredith placed the album on the table and took off her jacket. She turned to Izzie who had a puzzled look on her face. Derek stood silently behind her with a slight smile on his face.

"I needed to say thank you."

"Thank you?"

"Yes, I needed to say thank you."

"Meredith, its midnight. I worked a double yesterday and I'm dead tired. You're going to have to be clearer."

Meredith took a deep breath and picked up the album and held it close to her. Izzie took in a quick breath and immediately knew what she was talking about.

"I needed to say thank you." She repeated.

"You opened the box." Izzie said dumbfounded.

"Yeah. Tonight, well basically just now. And I found this. Where did you get them? I was pretty sure I had tossed so many of them. I didn't know you still had these."

"Wait what's going on?" Alex seemed extremely confused. "What is that?" He asked, pointing to the album in her hands.

Izzie and Meredith sat on the couch together where Izzie took the album from Meredith and showed it to Alex.

Alex sat shocked and looked through all the pictures. "I saw you throw them in the garbage. I couldn't let you do that. I knew that one day you'd regret that decision. So I put them in the album and sent it to Christina. I knew she'd put it in there for you and you'd get it when you were ready. When did you open it?" Izzie said from where she sat next to Alex.

"Well I knew you were busy and Derek came by for dinner," Izzie's head turned to look at her with her eyebrow raised, "and the next thing I knew it was open and wait…" she looked around quickly. "Derek?"

He had been standing behind them quietly, knowing this was a family type moment and didn't want to intrude. She felt his hand on her shoulder and she turned to look at him. He watched her turn around and continued her story. "Anyways, we opened it and I went through it. I found this and I couldn't wait till tomorrow to say thank you" She gave her friend a hug and watched as Alex looked through the pages.

Meredith reached up and grabbed Derek's hand that was still sitting on her shoulder. She shuffled over a bit and Derek sat behind her. The four of the continued to talk for a little bit reminiscing over Sean and telling stories to Derek about a time Meredith had tried to forget. The pain was still there, but with Derek beside her, it felt okay to move forward and the pain seemed a little dimmer.


	15. He Followed

**First off, I just wanted to say that I'm glad you are enjoying my story, I've worked hard on it so I love reading the reviews!**

**Secondly, my professors and teaching assistants at school totally screwed me over and I've had to restart two major assignments in the last two days! I will get the next part up as soon as I can, but please bare with me!**

**Thanks again!**

**Chapter 15: He followed**

* * *

Meredith walked down the hallway the next day to scrub in for surgery. She couldn't decide it she felt relieved "Dr. Grey?"

"Dr. Sheppard." She nodded in his direction.

"Surgery?" He smiled towards her. It was one of those smiles the nurse's had dubbed a McDreamy smile. Yet he still had no idea what that was.

"Craniotomy in OR 1." His smile made her quiver.

"Good luck" With that he continued down the hallway to head up the stairs to the gallery for OR 1.

"Thanks."

She talked to the staff, explained to the interns what they were doing that day and settled into her mode. Every now and then she'd look up slightly and see Derek watching her intently.

Izzie entered the gallery and walked over to sit beside Derek. An intern sat in the row behind them. The two sat quietly while they watched Meredith operate, each working on some paperwork every now and then. Quickly time seemed to pass and the intern was paged away.

Izzie watched the intern leave. "Thank you." Izzie said finally, "we've been trying to get her to open that box for years." She sighed. The box strained so many of her relationships, including those with her closest friends.

"She asked for the help Izzie, I was just there to hold her hand," Derek smiled thoughtfully as he thought back to the night before.

"Well still, thanks."

"Hmm…It was nothing"

With that, Izzie left, leaving Derek alone in the gallery in thought, so she could make a phone call she had been waiting so long to make. Christina would be happy to know that it was open, and Meredith was moving on. The two friends could only hope that Derek would be the one to make a smile reappear on their friends face.

*********

Meredith worked Christmas to allow others to have their holidays with their families. It's how it always went for Meredith. She ignored the Christmas Carol's on the radio and while she normally ignored the busy stores, she had found herself in one particular store on Christmas Eve doing last minute shopping holding a small item in her hand wondering if it was good enough. When she returned home from her shopping, she opened the door to the empty house letting her emotions fill her heart. There was no Christmas decorations, no Christmas tree and no presents except for the small box with a red bow that she put on the kitchen table next to her purse. She turned for the stairs and headed to bed where she fell into a fitful sleep dreaming of the one person she was still scared of accepting.

But per the norm Christmas came and Christmas went. She left gifts for Izzie and Alex at their apartment and shipped gifts to Christina and Owen. She kept herself busy at the hospital, taking on patient after patient and carefully reminding herself that Christmas was just another day of the year. She ate lunch daily with Derek. She giggled and laughed. Derek smiled at her giggle and that smile grew as he watched a simple compliment put a tiny shade of pink on her normally pale cheeks. Yet the only interaction between the two had been while opening that white box that had grained at her nerves for so long, but now its contents being displayed in the fireplace mantle where it should have been all along. They had kept their physical distance, unsure of what would be right and what would be wrong. The occasional touch occurred while they would grab for a piece of food off the others lunch plate or in surgery when they worked together in the OR.

It was the day before New Year's Eve, when she realized something needed to happen. As she held her head high, and walked down the corridor she couldn't help but stop and gasp when she saw Derek standing at the Nurse's Station. His back was to her and she just stood and took in his appearance. His hair was as perfect as ever and she could feel the want to run her hands through it. His button-down shirt and sweater clung to his chest and his jeans were hanging on his hips, flowing nicely over the rear of his body. She gently licked her lips and felt the heat on her face; she took a deep breath and walked quickly past him, smiling gently at him.

Derek was standing at the Nurse's station on the surgical floor reading a chart and he could feel her behind him. He had never felt this longing, this excitement, and this energy run through him before, certainly not about any women. But when Meredith Grey was in the room, he felt it. Hell, he enjoyed it but it was killing him. Over the holidays, he too had spent time in the hospital working numerous cases trying to fill the void that he was feeling. Because when he walked down the hall and passed Meredith, he could feel her and the need to be walking along side her, just to gently touch her hand, move the hair out of her face or simply to be in the vicinity of her was to strong

He quickly handed the chart to the nurse and turned to follow Meredith. He kept step with her as she walked down the hallway toward the stairwell. As she walked, her hips swayed and his body ached. It was as if they were in a trance, no one was around them and the scurrying of the hallway disappeared. Derek was solely focused on Meredith and ignored calls from the Chief asking him where he was going.

She quickly walked down the stairs and he kept step. The more steps they descended, the slower she went. Finally she hit the basement and threw open the door. He followed. She got to the gurneys lining the hallway and stopped. He stopped for a moment and took his turn to take her in. Her back was to him this time, and her breath was ragged as she tried to calm her emotions. He couldn't help but appreciate how her scrubs ran over her curves in all the right ways. Her hair was in tiny waves and was running swiftly down her back.

He took two steps forward and stopped again. She giggled softly and moved her head to the side. She knew he had followed her. She waited to see what he would do. Suddenly he was behind her. His hands held onto her shoulders, his lips millimeters away from the back of neck as he breathed her in. Her body tingled in anticipation and she quickly turned around to face him. Her features were soft and curious, the soft pink still on her cheeks. Her lips, now millimeters from his, were carved in a light smile. Her eyes moved from the smirk on his face to the blue of his eyes. His hand moved to lightly trace the contour of her face. He smoothly moved his right hand to let his thumb trace her eyes, her cheeks and finally her lips.

It was moments like these that he longed for. Moments where he could just look at her beauty and feel like anything else in life would work itself out. It was this moment when he realized exactly how much he wanted to be with her. He wanted to hold her hand, touch her face and press his lips to hers and he didn't care what anyone thought. Meredith Grey was the woman that stood in front of him, pulled at his heartstrings and left him wanting more in ways he never thought he could want.

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

Her pager rang loudly threw the quiet hallway and brought both of them out of their trance. She quickly looked down at it and read what it said.

"I have to go." She whispered it so softly that he almost didn't hear her. He pressed his forehead to hers and took a deep breath, hoping to calm down the want in his body.

"Okay." He nodded and whispered just as quietly.

"Are you coming tomorrow?" she whispered again referring to the get together at her house for New Years.

"I wouldn't miss it." His hand smoothly ran over her jaw again. His other hand was loosely holding hers.

"Okay. I have to go." She stepped around him. Their fingers stayed intertwined as long as possible as she stepped to head back in the direction they had come from. Her eyes never left his and as she moved backwards their hands were raised in air, until finally their fingers separated and their arms dropped back to their respective sides. His eyes searched hers, looking for something, anything.

"See you later Der." He saw it. He saw the glimmer in her eye, the excitement in her eyes mirrored his and the smile on her face made him believe that sometimes that lonely hearts win out too.

"See you later Meredith."


	16. He Cooked

_Thank you all for your patience! I have 3 exams in two days this weekend and then I'm off work fo 2 weeks! So hopefully I'll be able to get into this. I'm very excited about the upcoming stuff!_

_Thanks to all of you who's reading and reviewing!_

**Chapter 16 - He Cooked**

* * *

"So you are seriously not going to help?" Derek looked suspiciously at Meredith as he stirred the contents of the pot.

"You want me to help?" Meredith asked as she snacked on some cut up vegetables that Derek had cut up.

Derek had suggested he make dinner for Meredith and her friends for New Years since they had invited him into their tradition. Izzie was brining the dessert and Christina had volunteered to get some liquor.

"I let it slide last time, but not this time." He smirked in her direction as he opened the fridge to take out a couple more needed ingredients.

"You really don't want me to help."

"Meredith, come help."

"No, I'm fine here."

"Meredith." He frowned slightly.

"Seriously, you don't want me to help." She giggled, remembering her many experiences in the kitchen that ended in flames.

"Mer, just get your cute but over here and stir. I'm sure you can stir"

"Derek." She giggled more and shook her head no.

"Just come help I'm sure it can't be that bad." He exasperated.

"How long have you known me now?"

"A couple of months."

"That's obviously not long enough to know I will not help, I will burn. I can't cook." She tried to be serious, but the irritated look on his face returned and burst into giggles.

"Just get over here and help."

"You're not going to give it up are you?"

"No, probably not."

"Urg!" She slammed her hands onto the island and walked around the island and stood in front of the stove. The twinkle in her eye gave her away and both softly laughed. "If I burn something or light something on fire, you can not blame me if you have to start over."

He smiled, knowing he got his way. "No problem. Like I said, all you have to do is stir." He placed her hand on the wooden spoon. "See, just like this." He said as he guided her hand in circles. She rolled her eyes at him and he moved to cut up a few more vegetables.

They stood in a content silence, Meredith stirring the pot contents and Derek chopping.

"So how long do I need to do this for?" Meredith asked after a while. Derek leaned over quickly and softly put his lips to her cheek. He reached his hand in front of her to turn off the burner. "See that wasn't so bad was it?' he said gently.

"Whatever." She said while rolling her eyes.

"So you never told me why you were in the chief's office earlier?" She stood beside him leaning against the cupboard as he finished cooking. Earlier, she walked past the chief's office and could hear Derek and Richard shouting inside. He shrugged and she couldn't quite place the look that crossed over his face.

He remained pensive for a bit, and when Derek finished putting together a salad, he asked, "Did I ever tell you how I knew the chief?" He grabbed the plates to set the table. She followed suit with the silverware and napkins.

"No, I don't think so." As they rounded the table to each put down their part he started to talk.

"My dad owned this little store. Nothing big. I grew up in the outskirts of New York. The store sold like old antiques and knick-knacks, costume jewelry and stuff. It wasn't anything extraordinary. But a couple times a year Richard would come in looking, just casually. I always thought he was some man that lived around but he came in sporadically. My dad was talkative and struck up conversations with everyone. The first time Richard came in he told my dad he was a doctor consulting in New York and needed a break so he took a drive. He ended up in our little town and saw my dad's shop and came in from a break in driving. So over the next couple of years Richard came in a couple of times a year and Mark and I got to know him a little bit. When I was young I always wanted to be a doctor. As I got older we began to chat about it and he really helped me and Mark decide to do pre-med in college." He sat down in a chair at the end of the table and watched as Meredith finished setting the table. She nodded her head and listened. She wasn't sure if she should be commenting or just listening. So she just sat beside him.

"Richard called me into his office to tell me he called Mark out for a consult next week on a high profile case." He sighed.

"Okay," she looked at him closely, trying to decide if she should ask her next question.

As if he knew what she was going to ask, he said, "He slept with my wife or…well… ex-wife now." He leaned forward and let his head fall into his hands.

"Okay."

"And now he's coming here…to my turf…and I have to work with him." He let out a loud sigh and sat back in the chair. Meredith was leaning forward somewhat with her chin resting. "It's just…I came out here to start over, to become someone that I lost a long time ago. And he's gonna come here and piss on my turf." He exasperated as he ran his hands through his hair.

"Hmmm…" she was looking at him intently, hesitating, not wanting to say something she shouldn't.

"What?" He was frustrated and you could hear it in his voice.

"The way I see it, you just have to work with him. Do the job you came here to do, and he'll be gone. You said it yourself you came here for you, not for anyone else. Don't be someone you're not. Besides he can't piss on your turf if you don't allow it." She shrugged as she stood, hearing the doorbell ring.

"That's probably Christina and Owen, I'll be right back." He just nodded. She left him staring at the ceiling when she went to open the door.

Derek stayed in the chair looking at the ceiling. His eyes focused on the small black dot as he thought. Seattle was where he wanted to start over. It was where he bought his trailer, where he went fishing, where he walked through a hospital and everyone looked at him with respect. For Derek, Seattle Grace Hospital was the place where he found someone to believe in who he was, the way he was without trying to cover him up.

His head snapped up as Meredith, Christina, Owen and Izzie laughed as the entered the kitchen. He watched as they laughed and talked.

"Derek, this is Owen Hunt." Meredith said while digging around a drawer looking for a corkscrew to open a bottle of wine.

The two men shook hands and stayed quiet for a bit, looking longing at Meredith before he started talking with Owen about a recent hockey game. When she caught his eye from across the room and smiled at him, he realized what he was scared of most with Mark coming to town. It wasn't just that he didn't want Mark around Seattle. It scared Derek to have Mark around Meredith too.


	17. He Thought

_So this did not come as fast as I thought it would. I was actually hoping to have this up last week but unfortunately time got away from me. But I hope it lives up to everyone's expectations!_

_Thanks so much for the all the comments and reviews! I truely appreciate them!_

**Chapter 17: He Thought**

* * *

Dinner had been served. Dessert was eaten. Now drinks were scattered throughout the house and a mix of music was playing in the background. The loudest sound however, was the laughter in the den where Izzie was telling Derek stories from when they were younger.

"The look on your mother's face when you walked in with pink hair the next day Mer, that was the best. I thought she was going to explode."

Anyone could tell that the tequila shots had started taking effect on Meredith when she rolled over in laughter and fell off the couch and landed hard on the floor. Which only started another round of giggles from Alex, Izzie Christina, Owen and Derek.

"No, that wasn't as funny as when we went skiing! Do you remember that?" She was doubled over laughing by this point trying to get up off the floor.

Derek leaned over from where he was sitting on the couch to try and lift her up. They each laughed harder when Derek lost his balance and instead they landed on the floor with a THUMP!

By now, everyone in the room was laughing. When Derek finally stopped, he sat up and said "Okay. Let's try this again." He slowly got to his feet and grabbed Meredith's hands to pull her up. "C'mon Mer." As he pulled her up, she stumbled a bit before finally standing straight, well sort of straight, depending on how straight you were looking at her.

"Thanks!" Meredith said. Quickly she put one hand on his shoulder and reached up, on her toes and pecked his cheek then retook her spot on the couch. "You sure you don't want any tequila?" She asked looking up to where he was standing.

"Yeah, I'll stick to scotch thanks." He grimaced at the thought of the tequila. He looked around for his bottle and remembered it was in the kitchen. "Actually, I'll be right back. I left the bottle in the kitchen." He said as he made a quick exit.

"Hurry back it's almost midnight."

Derek was having a good time. A great time even. But just as he had felt earlier that night, he longed for some time just with Meredith. He didn't know when it had happened, but at some point, he had turned into the nervous teenage boy that he was as a child. The thought of even asking her out was nerve wrecking all in its own. He understood her reservations, her uncertainties about getting in a relationship. Over numerous conversations they'd discussed parts of each other's pasts. But he had yet to figure out why one little kiss seemed so hard to do.

He stood in thought in the kitchen by himself for a couple minutes looking out the window. "You good, man?" Alex asked. He hadn't noticed Alex enter the kitchen or heard him open the bag of chips in his hands he was eating out of. He shook his head lightly, "Yeah. Just…uh…grabbing the scotch."

Alex patted his shoulder on his way out of the kitchen, "Its okay man, Owen and I are used to it. The girls get a little rowdy when they get together and drink."

Derek just nodded and turned back to look out the window. It had started to snow softly. For a moment he leaned against the island in the middle of the kitchen watching the snow. Thinking, hoping, maybe even praying, that the New Year would be better then the last.

"Hey." He heard a soft voice behind him.

"Hey yourself." He said as he turned to face her.

"Took you long enough to grab the scotch." Meredith said pointing to the scotch beside him.

"Yeah." He looked at the scotch and then back to Meredith.

"Alex told me to come get you. It almost midnight."

"Oh." He turned back to the window and watched the snow for a moment.

"It's snowing." Meredith smiled. Alex had told her to go get Derek but she never thought she'd find him so quiet and pensive, especially after all the laughing in the other room.

"Yeah."

"It's pretty." She said, looking out the window. The quickly, she moved to stand next to him, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking." He took his eyes away from the window and turned to face her.

"You gotta give me more then that." She leaned against the island and poked him playfully in the chest.

"I was just thinking about…you know what…its not important." He shook his head to clear his mind of his flustered thoughts.

He could hear her friends in the other room starting to yell, _"Ten"_

"You sure?" even in her inebriated stated, she still wanted to make sure he was all right.

_"Nine"_

"Yeah, I'm sure." He stepped a little closer.

_"Eight"_

"Well alright then." She giggled and jumped up on the counter quickly.

_"Seven"_

He moved to stand in front of her. Gently spreading her legs apart to get closer.

_"Six"_

She couldn't figure out if it was the alcohol making her feel all tingly or something else as she watched him step up to her.

_"Five"_

The room was silent. Their eyes met.

_"Four"_

His right hand reached up to stroke her cheek. His eyes moved to her lips just as she licked them quickly in anticipation.

"_Three"_

"Mer," he murmured as he brought his face closer to hers.

_"Two"_

"Der," It was now or never. And although neither of them was listening to the others in the den, their timing was perfection.

_"One"_

Their lips met and softly he kissed her, letting all the nerves, all the insecurities and all the worries fly out the window.


	18. He Massaged

**Chapter 18 - He massaged**

* * *

The tunnels were quiet, sometimes dark, but very quiet. It was a place that Meredith often returned to while on call at night to find somewhere to sleep. That was where he found her. It was close to 2 a.m. and Meredith sat cross-legged on a gurney hunched over a large textbook. Her shoes had long ago been tossed to the floor. A bottle of water and an empty bag of chips sat next to her on the gurney and the highlighter in her hand was moving quickly over the pages.

"Hey." Derek said while climbing onto the gurney beside her. He pushed himself back lean against the wall.

She looked up and smiled, "Hey, gimme a sec." Her eyes moved swiftly over the book, her highlighter made a couple more marks before she finally capped the highlighter and put it in the book like a bookmark and closed the book.

He waited patiently for her to finish. Eyed her up and down. He wanted to say something, a lot of things. But somehow the silence, while waiting for her to finish, was just as good.

It was a couple days into the New Year, more importantly a couple days since he finally mustered up the courage to kiss her. After the party calmed down everyone slowly began head off to bed to prepare for the next couple of days at work. She had had an early shift the next morning and he hadn't really seen her since.

She stretched her back and let out what sounder like "Oomph." Stretching her arms straight up in the air, and turning from side to side to try and remove the kink from her upper back, she unknowingly gave Derek view of her flat stomach. He quickly cleared his throat and she dropped her arms and turned back to look at him, "you ok?"

"Oh...yeah. What time is it any way's?" she asked stretching her shoulders and neck.

"Close to two. How long have you been down here?"

"I think I came down around midnight after my last surgery." the puzzled look on her face told him that she didn't really know.

"And you've been studying ever since." She nodded in response. Her back was killing her. Apparently sitting for close to two hours hunched over a book hurt more then standing in the OR for 4 hours straight.

"My back is killing me."

He moved over so she was sitting in between his legs and he gently began moving his hands over her shoulders and back, kneading out the notes that had developed.

"Mmm…I think you missed your calling Der." She moaned as his hands went higher, then lower, then higher again.

He just chuckled from his spot behind her. Meredith felt amazing. Tiny moans escaped her lips as he pressed and rubbed and kneaded at her back. Finally when she felt like she could move again, she jumped off the gurney and gave one more stretch, then turned to face him, "much better. Thanks"

"No problem." He smiled. It was the first time since he had come down to the tunnels that she got a good look at him. He looked drained, tired and stressed and the smile on his face was definitely forced.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just stressed. That patient came in today."

"So that must mean that Mark comes tomorrow." She guessed.

He just nodded and looked to be thinking, so she just sat down on the gurney again. He rested his head on her shoulder and the sat like that for a little while.

"You know, I want to hate him. I want to have nothing to do with him." He stopped talking and she didn't answer, she just moved back to rest her back against his chest and let him continue.

"He was my best friend, from childhood, and now he's the enemy. It's just hard to know what's right. You know?"

She nodded this time. She turned her head slightly to face him, just as her pager went off. "All you can do is see how it goes when he gets here. If you're gonna patch everything up, it'll happen." She said while searching his eyes to see if he understood.

"Hmm…when did you start being an optimist?" he joked.

She shrugged her shoulders and listened to her pager go off again. "I have to get this," she moved to get off the gurney and slipped her shoes back on. She grabbed her books and turned to look one last time at Derek.

Her hand raised to his bicep and softly said, "It'll be good. And if it isn't, we'll go to Joe's and get drunk." That seemed to make him smile and she was genuinely happy to see it.

It had been a long day for him. Discussing surgery plans with the chief and preparing himself for the inevitable return of his once best friend had taken a toll on him. But sitting in the dark and quiet tunnel with Meredith made his day a little bit better.

He gently placed his lips against hers before she turned to leave. His hands on either side of her face kept her against him and he had to muster up all his courage to stop and pull away before they went to far. Her arms were resting against his chest, slowly inching their way up to be placed around his neck. She let out a small moan as he pulled away and mustered a goodbye before she grabbed her book and walked away leaving Derek in the tunnel.

Neither Meredith nor Derek could understand how one kiss could make all the problems of the day go away, but neither was going to question it.


	19. She Met

**Chapter 19: She Met**

* * *

After responding to her page and trying to understand her intern had made it through med school, Meredith had found an on call room to try and get some sleep in.

At some point through she had to have fallen asleep. When her pager awoke her to go to the pit, she groaned, rolled over and moved out the room. There were bruised and cut up drunks from a local bar sitting in the pit waiting for an intern to stitch them up, a couple guys that came from some sporting event waiting for x-rays on a broken wrist, and a girl sitting curled up in a ball in her mothers lap who looked beyond green.

Meredith walked past all the havoc to the nurse's station, "Where am I going?" she muttered looking at her pager.

"Trauma 2" The nurse responded.

The noise in the pit always woke her up. The sounds of people rushing in, nurse's moving quickly, doctors running in and out of trauma bays, ambulances arriving, there was always noise. Her adrenaline started running as she opened the door to the trauma room. She quickly surveyed the room. All her senses came alive when she entered this type of scenario. She saw a young girl, maybe a teenager, was lying on the gurney. She could smell the blood that she saw coming out of her poor girls head and the burns on her body. She could hear a doctor whom she didn't recognize spitting out medical jargon at the young idiot intern that she had dealt with the night before.

"Dr. Peters?" She held her hand out to the intern, who looked a little nauseous.

"Yes, Dr. Grey?"

"Chart please." Her voice was annoyed and impatient.

"Right…umm…Thirteen year old, McKenzie Richards, was found in an alley, obviously burned to the extremities of her body," the intern paused seemingly to swallow and take a breath, "contusion to the forehead," she paused again as Meredith moved over the patient and quickly looked over her pupils and the contusion.

"McKenzie," she said quietly looking down at the girl. To Meredith the girl was young looking, far to young to be in the hospital with burns and head wounds. McKenzie looked up at Meredith with fear in her eyes. "McKenzie, I'm Dr. Grey. We're gonna take you for some tests okay." The girl nodded her head slightly as Meredith moved to write in her chart.

"I'm sorry," Meredith closed the chart before handing it back to Dr. Peters, who was still obviously trying to calm her stomach, "I haven't met you. I'm Dr. Grey."

The doctor's eyes skimmed over her, stilling on her midsection of her body. He quickly finished his work and barked orders to resident, before removing his gloves and stuck his hand out to shake Meredith's. "Dr. Mark Sloan, and believe me the pleasure is all mine." His face held a smirk and Meredith couldn't help but think how many women he had used that smirk to get.

"Well, it certainly isn't mine." She returned the smirk and shook his hand before turning to the intern. "Dr. Peters, go let CT know we'll be down shortly, then find somewhere to sit and get yourself under control. Then I'd like you to page Dr. Shepherd to the CT Room for me when we get down there." The intern just nodded and walked away.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yes." She walked away towards the elevator and pressed the down button. She couldn't help but wonder if Derek had seen him yet.

"Great" he muttered before walking away.

* * *

Her eyes were focused on the screen waiting for the picture to come up. Her chin resting in her one hand as the other drummed on the desk. He had just taken a break from his paperwork when he received his page and was pleasantly surprised to find her sitting in the chair awaiting the scan to come up.

He leaned against the doorframe just as she turned to look at him. His lips moved into a small smirk and hers into a small smile. "Hey." She said quietly.

He pushed himself off of the doorframe and walked to sit in the chair adjacent to her. "What are you doing tonight?" he asked as he pushed a piece of hair out of her face.

"Laundry."

"Now that sounds like fun." His smile seemed infectious as he leaned towards her, "and as much as I hate to ruin that fun, care to do something else?" She sat up straighter, and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, what do you have in mind?"

"I was thinking dinner."

"Dinner?"

"Yeah you know good food, good company, could lead to a good evening." He shrugged casually.

"Do I have to dress up?"

"No, we'll go somewhere casual."

"Well then I could definitely skip the laundry and go for a good dinner tonight."

"Good it's a date." He smiled towards her.

"A date." She whispered before turning to look at the screen and watch the picture come up.

"Hmmm…hematoma…how old is she?" Derek asked referring to the young girl.

"13 years old."

"Do you know what happened?"

"Not really. I…uh…met Mark today." He stayed quiet. "I think he was going to hit on me so I left." She grabbed the chart and stood to leave.

They walked out of the room and down the hall towards his office. A small smirk graced his face, "the man hasn't changed." He muttered.

"Huh?"

"Oh he just hits on anything with boobs. Just ignore him."

"I was planning on it."

"Good, it'll just piss him off more then."

"Have you seen him yet?" she whispered.

"Yeah, briefly, earlier today. He was looking for something to do. To early to go to Joe's to pick up some woman probably." He paused thoughtfully. " The Chief is thinking about offering him a job."

"How'd it go?"

"Awkward to say the least. I almost lost my cool once I found out about the job offer, so I left." He shrugged as he opened his office door.

She could sense his apprehension so decided to change the asked trying to change. She placed the chart on the table in his office and turned to look at him. "So, what time are you done at?"

"I'm out of here at 6." Grateful for the subject change, he walked towards her and put his hands on her hips

"Hmmm good. I'm leaving at 5. Do you want to meet me at my house?" Her hands subconsciously rested against his chest.

"That works."

"Okay, it'll give me time to get ready and stop smelling like a hospital for once…"

He tilted his head towards her, "yeah."

"I mean cause I don't have to dress up so it wont take me long to get ready…"

"Yeah" he murmured.

"Or I can meet you there if you want…" the words were starting to flow out of her mouth so fast that he almost couldn't understand her, not that he was really paying attention. The way her lips moved, they way her cheeks blushed, the way her hair flowed down her neck.

"Meredith,"

"Yeah?" she sucked in a breath, when she finally noticed the look in his eyes.

"Shut up." His lips pressed firmly against hers.

"Oh!"

Eagerly, his hands moved up to hold her face as he tongue pushed past her lips. Her arms snaked around his neck and moaned softly. Her knees felt weak, her heart sped up and her arms hung on for dear life. His hands moved inside her lab coat and roamed over her back, gently moving underneath her scrub top to let his fingers dance softly over the skin underneath. Her head flew back to let his lips nip at her neck, which quickly returned to her lips with a fervor she wouldn't have been able to explain.

He could feel himself getting warmer, getting harder and he knew he had to stop. He pulled away slowly, placing gentle kisses along her delicate lips.

"Wow."

"Yeah," he said softly, keeping her close and not moving his hands from her back.

"I should go…talk to the patient's…umm… her parents." He lips quickly pressed against hers again.

"Okay." Neither moved, neither wanted to.

She gave him one last kiss and took a step back to grab the chart. "I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah." He said as he watched her open the door to his office and walk. They had a date for casual dinner and hopefully more of what just happened in his office.


End file.
